Help ! Need Advice....
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| Mon, 01-05-2004 - 11:45am |
Hello everyone, I don't know what to do, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My boyfriend says that I am not marriage material. I do want to marry him and he would like to marry me too, but he says I lack certain things, like a good solid career.
Here are the facts..
1. I have my own apt.
2. I can't seem to keep a job for more than 1 month.
3. His mother and I had a squabble years ago that she does'nt want to forget. (long story)
4. I am an aspiring artist...trying to get it together, make slides....business cards.etc.
5. He is also an artist of the cinema, however, no substantial money is coming in for him ethier but he has shown his one film all over the world. although he is hopeful that his next project will bring in money.
6. HE is 39 I am 26... and he tells me that the reason I am not marriage material is because Iam not "established" I don't have it together. That I need to have a career that Iam comfortable in. He said even if his mother and I did get along..that would still be an issue because in 2 years or so he wants children and if he finds someone else that has everything together career wise and ofcourse if he enjoys her and the feeling is mutual that he hopes I will understand, because he would leave me for someone else. Right this momment he still wants me with him..I asked him why? THis is an uncertain relationship...he says that I should concentrate on my art and see what happens, but still be with him. He insists that Iam not miss right now for him, but I say Iam, and I feel quite nervous about him leaving me for someone who has a solid career. He met this attorney recntly who likes him, and he said she is marriage material that any man could see that...that she has qualaties I lack...a solid job/career. She asked him to go to morocco with him this holiday season,(he did'nt go) she knows he's in a relationship, she e-mails him alot.. And if she plays her cards right then he would be interested in her(if he feels compatiable with her in time)...but that would be a long shot he says because he does'nt know her much, she might be a dupe....anyhthing could happen. He said if I had a solid career, then we would've been married. My question....should I stay or should I go ? Should I be confident enough to think that our relationship is strong and dismiss this woman who likes him...or do I go through this year feeling anxious, nervous about him knowing her more and more? He says she's a friend. He says he is attracted to me because Iam a wonderful woman...but it's the career he is stressing. Mind you he does'nt pay my bills.

Leave him first. This guy is a class A jerk. Why are you putting up with this and trying to prove anything to someone who doesn't respect you or think you live up to his expectations?
'He insists that Iam not miss right now for him, but I say Iam, '
You can't convince someone who doesn't want to be convinced.
Even if he does marry you do you think these insults will stop? Will you ever be 'good enough'?
'Should I be confident enough to think that our relationship is strong and dismiss this woman who likes him'
Confidence would inspire you to look at this for what it really is and leave.
You go girl - dont stick around until he finds someone that meets his standards for marriage - that he even said this shows what an inconsiderate, rude, selfish butt he is .
Good luck!!!
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.