HELP PLEASE!!
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| Thu, 01-31-2008 - 11:30am |
Hello everyone .. I really need some help with my relationship and I need all the advice I can get. Please feel free to be as blunt as possible I will explain it as best I can and its a long one but I will give a summary .. here goes!
I have been with my live in bf for about 6 years now .. we have had a really bumpy relationship since we moved in together about 3 years ago... he has never proposed officially and at one point I got so frustrated I bought myself a ring because I felt like we were living together with no promise of marriage or anything and I just didnt feel too comfortable coming from a christian home. Anyway about 6 months ago he "cheated" on me I never caught him red handed with his pants down but I was away visiting family and practically the WHOLE time I was gone he communicated with this female that I had previously suspected something fishy going on but he denied it and continues to deny it till today .. I cant get over it because I am sooo hurt that this stupid hood rat could come between us and to make matters worse when I confronted her at a party she FLIPPED out and started cussing me out and acting like a complete HOOD chick and to my surprise he NEVER said or did anything about it .. he just stood by and watched her disrespect me then continued to be friendly with her! At that point I was done .. I got rid of the engagement ring that I bought and even though we still live together I cant get over it I still think about it to this day because I felt so humiliated and betrayed by him and could you believe he STILL denies anything happening even though on the phone bill for over a month they communicated SEVERAL times a day without my knowledge (he never mentioned her calling or anything not even ONCE)

Welcome to the board msysya3,
Bluntly - Find your self-worth and self-esteem and know you deserve better and take the steps to get there.
'I bought myself a ring because I felt like we were living together with no promise of marriage or anything and I just didnt feel too comfortable coming from a christian home.'
This makes no sense to me. I am far from Christian or even religious, but I just wonder how the ring justifies living with him which is not what
You are in a complicated situation, where you feel disrespected and lied to. That is never healthy. In order to build a healthy relationship you have to have open communication and trust. Also,when that girl began to disresepct you, it was certainly up to your boyfriend to put a stop to it. You might say that even though you love him, there are many elements of an abusive relationship here. You can love someone, but if they are not willing to communicate, be open and honest and work on the relationship with you, it does not mean that they are right for you.
I suggest that you go to see a therapist and work on this in person with them. Find out how to handle your feelings and also to discover the truth about the relationship. Build your self esteem and self respect and you may not even have to ask anyone else what you should do. Right now you need the help, support and clarity to become clear about all that is going on here.
Best wishes,
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Hunny,
You say that you will breakdown if your not together, however, you are already breaking down...He is breaking you down... He is making you think that you are imagining things...When a women feels that her man is cheating its most likely true... You don't need to catch him with
Hello everyone I really want to say a big thank you all for everything and for helping me through this, thanks for the welcome and for the great advice .. I knew all this already but I just needed to know that I was not imagining these things and that I am not the psycho here .. I mean I know I am not .. but the way he turns things around on me and makes it look like I am the one who is overreacting and I am the one who is hallucinating .. I was just starting to believe that it was ME .. I thank you guys for helping me validate what I knew and felt already .. and please keep the advice coming .. I am going to do everything in my power to be strong and to move out .. because I know if I am not getting over it after 6 months there is no getting over it period.. I love him and dont want to be without him but I also know I am worth more than this! Once again I am grateful and thankful for all the advice.
To Janessa I think is your name .. I wanted to comment on what you said about being the other woman and not knowing .. that girl KNEW me .. actually we were all