HELP!!!!-Too Gone,Too Long

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
HELP!!!!-Too Gone,Too Long
2
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:46am
I have had a relationship with Micheal for over a year- fourteen months, more or less. That's pretty good being that I'm nineteen. We are promised, not yet engaged. The problem is that one and a half months after we met, I was forced to leave his side in Florida and stayed with a few family members in Kansas. I returned to him in almost six months for his birthday. We lived together for a while, it was very much a rollar coaster life style. But jobs at gas stations and fast food are not my thing, but I couldn't afford to go to college. After five months (and a miscarriage), Mike became strong and told me while fighting back his tears, "If you really want to go to school, I think it would be best for you to stay with your dad (my dad said he'll pay my way through college on the condition that I live with my family), since I am unable to help you." He enventually cried, as I did, too. I am with my father now in Oklahoma, and my family wants me to get rid of my relationship, claiming that this man will only hold me back. We have the classic Romeo and Juliet situation where his family hates me and my family hates him. It's becoming really difficult and I am unsure how to cope with this situation. I've only just met my father when I turned 17, and I know nobody here. I do call my friends in Kansas for hope and reassuance, and I call Mike as often as possible for comfort and security, but it doesn't make the distance any shorter. I'm going to try to get two jobs and work 60 hours or more each week, so that I can save money and be able to afford to bring him here and start our life together, but my instinct tells me that that plan is not likely to work. What should I do? We've been each other's for 14 months, and lived in different states during that time for 6 1/2 months. I just want to be with him. How do i deal with this? What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 5:07am
lady girl...

Pianoguy doesn't know you personally....but making an attempt to work a 60-hour week while trying to meet your educational needs ISN'T GOING TO WORK!

It's wonderful to be devoted to and in love with someone in another state, but distance is the #1 killer in nearly all relationships. While nobody has told you to 'abandon the friendship' or the feelings you have, it's time to put YOU in the #1 spot for awhile! You have a Father and friends who support your goals...and a b/f who is willing to let you explore your dreams.

So now is the time to take advantage of this overwhelming support. You've got plenty of "Time for Living" with the man of your dreams (whoever he may be) AFTER a few years of college. Best wishes, warm thoughts and LOTS OF LUCK in your pursuits.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 1:44pm
Why do YOU have to bust your hump - work 60 hours a week and go to school - to save money to give to HIM to move to be with you? Shouldn't you be saving money for yourself? Shouldn't he be working hard to save up money for himself to move to be with you?? Your instincts are correct. The plan is not going to work. You are going to burn yourself out. I work 55 hours and I am only in school part time and I am tired.

If your family thinks that your BF is going to be holding you back, what are their reasons? Maybe you should think about where they are coming from. Your future and your education are important. It is good that you are thinking about that right now. You may regret that you had the oppurtunity and let it slip away.

It all comes down to whether you think this relationship is worth holding out for.

I wish you luck, whatever you decide to do.