HELP! Turning into a "Royal Biotch"
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| Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:28pm |
Past:
My bf and I were together for 5.5 yrs. everything was good for the most part (we had problems but nothing I thought couldn't be worked out)then one weekend he went out of town on a bachelor party weekend. He came back, he managed to put himself $300.00 in the hole with his account and was so broke he couldn't put gas in his car to go to work so he would wait for me to leave for work then go home. I went home one day for lunch and he was there, I had a gut feeling something was off with him, we fought about it and I went back to work. When I got home all his stuff was gone, he up and moved out and quit his job. I was crushed beyond belief. No explanation, nothing. I called him to get an answer why, he was at the bar and wanted me to come and get him,(still no explaination) I said no. We didn't talk for awhile and I started seeing someone else about 2 months after, that lasted 7 months.
MAY:
We got back together this past May after 1 year of being apart. I did get an explaination, get this, I never wanted to do anything. Well #1 we didn't have a whole lot of money to go blow at the bar and #2 my son and his girlfriend just had my granddaughter and they lived with me. I wanted to spend time with her too. I was getting sick of going out all the time also. Ok I got my explaination.
June:
All was good, we were happy (so I thought.) We found a townhome to move into at the end of June. About mid, end of June sex, affection, intimacy started to dwindle. I started feeling down, unwanted, wondered what was wrong. I voiced my concerns several times and he gave me the excuse of we are busy packing and trying to get organized for moving day, which yes we were busy. but not too busy I thought.
July:
We moved got unpacked and somewhat organized. Things were dwindling even more. I actually thought there were times he forgot I was there. I had a company golf outing and wanted him to go, I signed him up for it because he said yes he would go. About a week before that he found out his softball team was in a tournament. I asked which one he was going to do and that I wanted him to go with me, there will be other tournaments. Well he ended up playing softball because "he didn't want to be kicked off the team", Ok fine, that passed. Then he was signed up for a golf tournament thru his old work, he took the day off work and went to that tournament, at that time I thought, you can take a day off work to go to that tournament but not take a day off from softball to go to mine? mmm. By now I was blowing up at him because I wasn't getting what I needed, no sex, no affection, nothing. We went out of town for the state softball tournament the end of july, we had fun, but like I said I think he forgot I was there.
Aug:
Really bad month. We fight all the time. I found out he was surfing porn sites. I flipped about that. Ok, you have someone here practically begging you for sex and you go on these sites. I must not be good enough or attractive enough for him. He would rather satisfy his needs from a computer. Made me feel like Sh-t(still does). We fought many times about all this. He said he would stop and yes so far he has(I've got spyware) He is putting more effort into the affection thing(but still no sex, 1 time in the last month) Now our next issue is the regional softball tournament in IL. over labor day weekend. I took Thurs. and Fri. off work because we made plans to take my 9 yr old up north for 5 days before school started. Now plans changed and he wants to go to IL. My feelings are your softball comes before anything. He denies that, but his actions show otherwise. Besides what kid wants to go watch softball for 3 days before school starts? He said he was going to talk to the "head guy" to see if he could get out of it. Hasn't happen so far and I know he won't talk to him. We have fought every night this week. I am soooo mad at him and I start the fights with him, I think he doesn't see my side and I tell him he's being selfish that this relationship revolves around him, what about me? his come back was "you never want to do anything" heard that one before. I don't why I pick these fights because its always about the same issue, me not getting what I want. I wonder if I'm doing it to push him away? I don't know.
When I talked to him this morning I told him that we needed to have a long talk. He said ok, but now I'm so around the board, I don't think he'll completely understand what I'm trying to say. (could use some pointers on that) Will I be able to keep my cool cause I'm sooo mad at him. I don't know if I should just let him go tonight or put more time into it. I know I'm not happy with the present. Anyone???
