help, this is weird

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
help, this is weird
2
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 8:44pm
alright, so, i've been going out with this guy for like, alnost two months now, and he's already talking marriage and kids and moving out together. He asked me if it would be too soon if he asked me to marry him after 6 months, then like, 2 weeks ago, he came to me saying that he thinks we're moving too fast. nothing has changed between us for me to see that we're moving too fast, yet, nothing has changed since to slow down. What do i do. I'm afaid that if i pull back from him he'll break up with me, but if i keep spending the same amount of time with him, that he'll pull away. can someone help me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 12:38am
I realize guys aren't really big on talking, especially when it comes to discussing their feelings, but I once told the last guy that I dated that I went to a friend to talk because I didn't really know what was going with us, and he asked, "Why didn't you talk to me?"

Try sitting down with him and say that you are confused and don't understand why someone who wanted to talk about marriage and kids at two months now seems to be pulling away, thinking that you are going too fast. Ask him what he's looking for; what he wants, and tell him you will do your best to understand and work with it.

Honestly, it sounds like he's scared. This guy obviously really likes you or he wouldn't have brought up kids and marriage so quickly. The problem might be simply that he is scared to be feeling what he is feeling so soon. Marriage is a big commitment, and men tend to be the ones who run screaming from the idea more than women. Be as impartial as you can in your conversation with him, and try to work things out.

If you can get him to admit he's just scared, offer to help him work through that. If you're in love and happy, there's no reason that you need to rush into marriage. Tell him that it doesn't have to happen after six months if he doesn't feel that he's ready for it to. He might be afraid that if you're together that long and he hasn't even brought it up, you might figure it's not going to come up and just cut your losses.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation, and hope it works out in a way that will make both of you happy. As experience has taught me, I'm lousy at getting my own relationships to work, but brilliant at fixing other people's. Give it a try.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 10:39pm
You know what, you are awesome at helping others with their relationships. I talked to him tonight, and he told me that he thinks he loves me, but doesn't want to say it because he's scared that he was able to fall in love again. Everything is good now, thanks, would it be ok if i added you? you know, if i ever need good advice again.

Thanks again