Help, went from good friends to more....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Help, went from good friends to more....
2
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:00pm
I've known this person 12 yrs, good friends with my family etc. 2 yrs ago he came back into town and we started talking again, he's been having trouble with his marriage for years now but as most guys stick around because of the kids. About 2 months ago he informed me that he has been thinking of me as more than a friend, and we finally slept together shortly after. I've been out of a relationship for close to 4 yrs, and i'm trying to play it cool, but he's taken this little fling to another level. Its not just a affair to him now, and he actually told my mother he needs to file for a divorce because the stress with him and his wife is to much. I'm torn up here because not only are we really good friends, but now lovers, and to add more to the "pot", there isn't a doubt in my mind that he isn't going to hurt me emotionally either. I'm afraid to be honest with him about what i am feeling because he keeps pressuring me on the subject. HELP...any advice needed except that i'm an idiot because there is alot more to this "situation" than i have said. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:08pm

Maybe you need to take the intiative here and back off a bit. Let him know excaltey how you feel, that oyu are afraid of getting hurt and maybe you should cool things off till everything sizzles doen with his soon to be ex.


There is children involved inthis and whether they are yours or his, makes this whole thing even more complicated. They need to be in the forefront here, not yours and his sex lives. You are right, I think, in saying that oyu will be the one to get hurt. The ink hasnt even been wrote- let alone dried on his divoce papers...its just a thought right now, and he is already thinking about where things will be headed with you. If nothing else, it should tell you how he prioritizes his relationships.


Best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:17pm
I agree with u, which i what i did last week and avoided him to a point. (i am also his bookeeper) And he called to talk about some problems he was having with work, and his books,etc...then it went into the "are u avoiding me thing". See i was burned 4 yrs ago, (fiance' got caught cheating, tried to work it out, he didn't want too, had baby 6 months later alone)ANYWAYS, he's always been a very good friend, someone i trust completely, so i try and give him advice when needed. But once the "sleeping together" issue hit, he informed me that he doesn't look at me like a fling, but more than that. I'm not holding my breath on divorce only he can make that decision and i won't force that. I'm finding it hard to stop thinking about him as more than a friend sometimes because its SO obvious what is going on. Thanks for the advice too! :)