Help! What should i do?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Help! What should i do?!?
8
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 8:25pm
Ok so I had been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years when one month ago he decided he needed a "break" from the relationship. We had been in somewhat of a slump and the break resulted from a fight we had. I had snooped through his phone and found out that he had lied to me about smoking. I confronthed him about it and a bunch of other things came up too. Such as how he is always so busy, he has work, a new puppy (that i got him for christmas) and he and his dad are doing alot of work on their house. I am so what of a needy girlfriend but he has gotten lazy in the relationship. He claims he still loves me and I am still in love with him and I am trying to give him his space and I have sorted out all of the problems i was causin in the relationship however i have tried to get him to talk to me but hes pretty much avoiding me. he is also one of those guys that HATES to talk about "us". I know that if he didnt want to get back together he would have just broken up with me in the first place but he didnt and i know he doesnt want to throw away what we have. how should i approach this do i keep trying to talk to him? what is thr right way to go about all of this? how can i convince him to give us another try?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 9:55pm

To be honest, there's nothing much you can do. Especially if he hates talking about "us".

You can either wait patiently or give him an "all or nothing" altimatum.

However, if you do give him an ultimatum, it's possible he may choose "nothing". Having said that, even if you do wait patiently, there's no guarantee that he will return to you. The fact that he's avoiding you does not bode well.

Sorry I can't be more positive.

But even if you don't get together again, at least be happy with the knowledge that you've learned and grown with this experience. And due to this, your neediness won't spoil a future relationship.

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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:48am

Firstly, for some guys a break is another way of saying a break up. They can't bring themselves to let the woman know that it's over, so they do it slowly, in that way. If you are on a break, it means you are no longer in the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 4:37pm

Welcome to the board lms725,


Did you two set up any "rules" or guidelines during this break? Like if you were going to see other people, or see each other occasionally, how long you thought the break would last, etc.


Since he was the one that initiated the break, he has all the power right now. It is his decision on when he wants to get back together. However, you can let him know that you are ready to and that you don't want to wait forever for him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 5:24pm

Hi lms,


I think you have gotten some good advice. You need to let him miss you and let him come to you. If he doesn't, well, you will cope with it, but it's better than chasing him.


If he's that closed off that he can't talk about 'us', what's the point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 7:12am

but it is better than chasing him.....

i really am alone here, but i do feel you have gotten the responses from those that dont feel the love like you do...the passion only a young woman can feel...yes, you know what i mean....i think, if not sorry.

i ask you about the fight that made this man think that he wanted a break from you. please go into more detail.

I just know that once you take a real man and make him feel less than by calling him on somehting like calling him out on one of his bad habits.

Listen to what the other four woman who have posted have told you (and ask them about heir love lives) and you will be alone.

Go to him and say sorry for the fight (IF you really disrepected him like it seems you may have), and tell him you love him and YOUR puppy. Tell him how are sorry and how you want a life with a man, a real man, in your life.

Or, listen to the CLs and professionals here and then email me when you find yourself alone in life.

I have to go away.....I can't take this much longer.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:28pm

i couldn't live with this either.

you are so better off....just let him go and it will pass and you will be stronger for it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:46pm
you need to back off. Let him call you when he's ready. The more you show you want him and show your neediness, the more he avoids you. So stop. Just let him come to you. You've kind-of gotta play it cool. And when you do get back together (if you do, he maybe won't want to after the break, but don't worry about that, you can't control his feelings, but you can control your neediness a little better.) , continue to play it cool for awhile. Where has your honesty in letting him know you need him got you? Not where you want to be. So you've got to do something different to get different results. Good luck :) .
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 5:29pm
so first i wanted to say thank you to every one who answered my post you were alot of help! but unforuntately me and my boyfriend broke up i know it was for the best however it was not done the way i would have liked. i had truied for a week to get him to talk to me in person and i couldnt then on monday he told my bff that he was onna see me that night n when i called him he said he was going to the shore to work with his dad i flipped out n he hung up on me. i called him back and was hysterical i told him he had no idea what this was doing to me and that i couldnt play this waiting game nemore. he was being a smart ass and i told him it was over his response was good and hung up. i knew we were gonna break up and even though i still love him i knew it had to happen. but my problem is now that i Hate how we left things. i have thought about emailing him to just explain that i didnt wanna break up but i knew it was want had to happen and that i would like to try to be friends eventually however i dont know if i should do this any sugestions on what i should do or not do would be greatly appreciated!