Help, what's going on here?
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Help, what's going on here?
| Mon, 06-21-2004 - 12:39pm |
Hello everyone. Here's my problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. I'm 26 and he's 31. Last week was our 5 year anniversary. I thought that we were going to to something special. But to my surprise, he told me that "it's just 5 years of dating, not like we are married or anything." So we didn't do anything. In fact he spent it with his guy friends. Also, lately we have been talking about getting married and all that stuff. On that night he told me that he was not ready to get married but, he thought that maybe he could start on working towards a future for us but now he doesn't want to. I asked him how long he expects me to wait for him to be ready and he said "I never asked you to wait." What is going on? Thanks for your help!

If he does not want to communicate or work on a relationship, I would cut the losses and let it go. Analyze your relationships history. Perhaps, take some relationships seminars to learn new approaches and be in a support group. And move on. ...my 2 cents.
YOu've been dating him while pursuing a future...and he's been deciding on which direction he's future is going to go while not including your needs, goals, and plans overmuch while determining his destination.
He's saying "when I decide what I want in life, you MIGHT be welcome to come along. But don't put off getting your own needs met and your own goals fulfillled - because there is no guarantees about me."
Lots of people "talk about marriage" - back off, adn women take that to mean they got "scared"....no, it's just that they were talking about marriage in general terms but specifically with you, about someday per their own goals and agenda...and you've taken it to mean you're included for sure, and you're waiting on him to figure out what direction you two are going.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com