help! what's going on with us?
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help! what's going on with us?
| Mon, 05-31-2004 - 12:36am |
last year this guy i work with asked me out. he worked nights. i worked days. he was in process of divorce. bout 3-4 weeks after we started dating we slept together. 1-2 days later he tells me he loves me. i had already fallen for him. but, i thought it was to soon for him. due to the divorce thing. he was very firm in that he wanted the divorce. anyway, i told him finally how i felt.
we had been dating for 3-4 months, and, i got scared. marriage had come up. i thought he was asking me. so, i kind of stopped talking to him. we still talked just not about the serious stuff. anyway, he kept asking what's up. i wanted to be sure. i already knew i loved him. but, i knew too that i didn't want to hurt him if i didn't love him enough for marriage. anyway, we broke up. his decision. he said it had to do with the divorce, and he wanted custody of his kids.
he went out with someone else that very night. the strange thing was he called me and told who, and where, and when. and, i had to know if he was really with someone else. so, i went and he was. i was devastated. i felt like i could not breathe, and it lastd for about 2 weeks afterwards. we talked after 2 weeks of this. i noticed that she was following him. she looked like one of those puppies, the kind that noone wants and they follow you around for a while. it was pretty obvious that he really wasn't interested. but, i was so hurt. i felt like someone had yanked out my heart.
anyway, things got a little better after we started talking. but, he was still talking to her. and, finally after about 2 months of this i told him that i was going to request a transfer. we were constantly hurting each other. he was letting me believe he had feelings for this girl.
anyway, he finally told me not to call him, or come see him. and, he would stop seeing me, calling me. this lasted for about a month. he called me, and said that his divorce was final, and that he had custody of the boys. we began talking again. i asked him why he was seeing this other girl. he said "to discourage someone from feeling so much for me because i still have feelings for her." i asked who. he said that i already know the answer to that. and, i do. he said that he was not seeing anyone right now. that things had not worked out with this girl. i already knew that. not only could i tell but, everyone at work can to. and, they (my friends, his to) have brought it to my attenion.
we finally went out on a date about a month ago. we ended up kissing pretty much the whole time. this is only the 2nd time we have been totally alone together, and both times we ended up kissing. he told me that he still needs time. that he cares for me very much. that he felt like i was pushing him into something he was not as ready for as he thought. but, that we would only talk on the phone until he said otherwise. i told him i had all the time in the world. and, i do. because, i think he is well worth the wait.
anytime, we get within 2 feet of each other we end up touching if we stop to talk to each other. no serious touching, but stuff like almost holding hands, brushing shoulders.
since the date, we have been talking on the phone. but, only seeing each other at work. i have asked him if he wanted to just go to lunch together one day. and, he said no because we both know what will happen if we do. i said "and, we both know this is not just about that". he said "so, let's just talk on the phone." i would just like to know what his intentions are? and, whether or not its more than just "not being able to keep our hands off each other". but, im scared if i ask him, he'll think im trying to push him again.
i know for me, its about more than just sex. yes, i would marry him tommorrow if he asked. i just dont know what his intentions are. today, i saw him talking to her again. this is the first time i have seen them talking since the date. and, i guess im just a little confused. im was very shy, and very quiet. before we started dating and sometimes even now. im pretty sure that he just wants to take things slow. and, maybe to see if i really can talk to him about how i feel. he is a firm believer in communication. and, i am now to. i think none of this would have happened if i had just talked to him in the first place. i guess i just need a guys point of view. please help!
we had been dating for 3-4 months, and, i got scared. marriage had come up. i thought he was asking me. so, i kind of stopped talking to him. we still talked just not about the serious stuff. anyway, he kept asking what's up. i wanted to be sure. i already knew i loved him. but, i knew too that i didn't want to hurt him if i didn't love him enough for marriage. anyway, we broke up. his decision. he said it had to do with the divorce, and he wanted custody of his kids.
he went out with someone else that very night. the strange thing was he called me and told who, and where, and when. and, i had to know if he was really with someone else. so, i went and he was. i was devastated. i felt like i could not breathe, and it lastd for about 2 weeks afterwards. we talked after 2 weeks of this. i noticed that she was following him. she looked like one of those puppies, the kind that noone wants and they follow you around for a while. it was pretty obvious that he really wasn't interested. but, i was so hurt. i felt like someone had yanked out my heart.
anyway, things got a little better after we started talking. but, he was still talking to her. and, finally after about 2 months of this i told him that i was going to request a transfer. we were constantly hurting each other. he was letting me believe he had feelings for this girl.
anyway, he finally told me not to call him, or come see him. and, he would stop seeing me, calling me. this lasted for about a month. he called me, and said that his divorce was final, and that he had custody of the boys. we began talking again. i asked him why he was seeing this other girl. he said "to discourage someone from feeling so much for me because i still have feelings for her." i asked who. he said that i already know the answer to that. and, i do. he said that he was not seeing anyone right now. that things had not worked out with this girl. i already knew that. not only could i tell but, everyone at work can to. and, they (my friends, his to) have brought it to my attenion.
we finally went out on a date about a month ago. we ended up kissing pretty much the whole time. this is only the 2nd time we have been totally alone together, and both times we ended up kissing. he told me that he still needs time. that he cares for me very much. that he felt like i was pushing him into something he was not as ready for as he thought. but, that we would only talk on the phone until he said otherwise. i told him i had all the time in the world. and, i do. because, i think he is well worth the wait.
anytime, we get within 2 feet of each other we end up touching if we stop to talk to each other. no serious touching, but stuff like almost holding hands, brushing shoulders.
since the date, we have been talking on the phone. but, only seeing each other at work. i have asked him if he wanted to just go to lunch together one day. and, he said no because we both know what will happen if we do. i said "and, we both know this is not just about that". he said "so, let's just talk on the phone." i would just like to know what his intentions are? and, whether or not its more than just "not being able to keep our hands off each other". but, im scared if i ask him, he'll think im trying to push him again.
i know for me, its about more than just sex. yes, i would marry him tommorrow if he asked. i just dont know what his intentions are. today, i saw him talking to her again. this is the first time i have seen them talking since the date. and, i guess im just a little confused. im was very shy, and very quiet. before we started dating and sometimes even now. im pretty sure that he just wants to take things slow. and, maybe to see if i really can talk to him about how i feel. he is a firm believer in communication. and, i am now to. i think none of this would have happened if i had just talked to him in the first place. i guess i just need a guys point of view. please help!
i would like to know
1. is it to soon to ask if this "talking on the phone" might possibly lead to more?
2. is it to soon to ask if he thinks there is more to "us" than just not being able to keep our hands off each other?
3. is it being to pushy, or to soon to ask if we might try spending time together?
4. or should i just try and be patient and see where this goes? is this maybe what he is trying to do?
help!

I agree. Part one of this relationship was all about game playing and bad communication.
The problem now (and from the beginning) is that he is classically on the rebound-changing his mind, his feelings, his actions, confused about what he wants. He really likes you and wants you to stick around and be avalailable for when he calls you on a whim. But don't ask for anything because then you are needy and demanding too much. In other words, don't act like this is a real relationship because it is not.
He needs time to get over his divorce.
Do you really want to live this way for who knows how long?
Have a heart- to- heart and don't be afraid to tell him what you are looking for and what you need. If he freaks out, then he isn't for you and you need to find someone who is totally available.
i think he does really like me. i can see it in his eyes, every time he looks at me.
im scared that you might be right about his wanting me there if he needs me. but, do you think it might be to soon to tell him how i feel? how i have felt from the first moment?
i dont want him to think im not willing to wait. because, he did say he needed time.
and we have been talking about everything. including the fact that i did not talk to him enough in the first place. the only thing is it is very slow talking. and, very spread out. just a little at a time.
so, another question? should i take it as slow as he seems to want to. because, i also agree with you i dont want to wait forever. i am willing to wait. it's only been 1 month since we went out and he said he needed time. last week we did not get a chance to talk hardly at all.
No,you owe it to yourself to tell him how you feel about him and what you want in your relationship which is why I suggested having a heart to heart. You need to find out what he wants so you can plan your life accordingly and not wait around for him to get over his divorce and be ready for a relationship.
'should i take it as slow as he seems to want to.'
Have you two defined 'slow'? You may each have different ideas of what a slow relationship is. Does it involve seeing other people, calling only a couple of times a week, seeing each other once a week, etc?
'i am willing to wait. '
How long?