Help-will it get better in time?

Avatar for bubblebath1969
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Help-will it get better in time?
4
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 9:44am
I have been with my husband for 8 years. We have a 3 year old and a 4 month old. The problems of our relationship started after having children as it was really hard for me to be a mom, worker and a wife. We lacked intimacy and sex which I take full credit for, but I was easily annoyed by him because I didn't feel like he was giving me what I needed emotionally-especially when I was pregnant. Anyway, this is my question: in the last two weeks, I have realized how much I love him and how much I want this relationship to work for us and for our children. I have been doing everything I can to show him how much I love him, but he had shut down so it is an interesting go. I feel like he is letting me do everything while keeping cool to not get rejected by me-so instead he is a bit indifferent to me. I can't blame him, but it still makes me feel bad. I know that this is how he must have felt for a very long time so in a sense I guess I deserve it, but what should I do? Do I just keep at it and will he 'be in love with me again?' I know he just wanted to feel special and important and I had so much going on that I neglected our relationship. The fog has lifted for me and I want to do everything I can. He does say he loves me and wants to find our passion again...but he thought I had 'checked out for good.' Thanks for your thoughts!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 11:57am

Hi bubblebath and welcome to the board.


If he is indifferent to protect himself, things won't improve until he's ready to make himself vulnerable to you again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 4:56pm
You mentioned that you have changed how your act toward him, but have you talked to him about this. Maybe it would help if you sat down with him and explained that you realized you had been treating him badly and you feel awful about it but you love him and want to work at making things better. It could be worried that this change is temporary. Let him know you are working on fixing things and you would like his help. Good luck to you.
Avatar for bubblebath1969
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 2:59pm
Thanks for the advice. Yes, I have done all this. I will keep at it. He said he was feeling that I was doing this out of 'obligation' and even though he believes that it isn't the case, he needs to change how he is thinking. I think time will tell. I can't blame him for feeling like this and if I could change parts of the past I would, but I only have the now...so ...thanks again. :)
Avatar for bubblebath1969
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 3:00pm
Thank you for the reading ideas. I got Relationship Rescue and love it so far! I will keep working on me as that is all I can do. :)