HELP Will my longdist.relationship work?
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| Mon, 07-30-2007 - 1:32am |
Please, I need help and advices!
I am gonna make this story short.
I met my current boyfriend on internet more than a year ago, and we have been together for 11 months now. He was wonderful and so sweet the first half year, then he got a new job and moved and then he started to work a lot and disconnected his cellphone because he got huge bills that he couldnt afford. We never met each ohter until the end of June this year and I found out that he had dating and having a relationship with another woman starting two months before I came to see him. We had a lot of arguments over it and now we have moved on, but I lost the trust I used to have, but i still trust him enough to believe him. He told me that he had broke up with her before i came, but she came several times to see his room mate and she obviosly took the chance to make me upset by trying to kiss him and calling him hunny bunny. Me and my boyfriend had a good time together for the whole month i was there even though we did have our arguments about things. Our relationship grew deeper and we have plans to get married in a few years and he talks about that i will be his wife, that he will be a good husband and that we will have kids one day. I am planning to move to New York next year when i am finished with my studies. We agreed on how we would contiune our relationship when I had to go back and he would buy a cell phone so that i could reach him since he would work a lot once i left.
But here is the problem, since i got back to my country I have tried to call him and talk to him several times. His room mate's brother and mother (who do like me a lot) always tell me he is outside and when i did get lucky enough to reach him he sounded irritated and said that he was busy and that i would call him later. Of course I got upset since I wanted to talk to him because I just got home. He gave me a quick bye and hanged up. The day after I called him again, and he was sleeping and he told me to call him later because he was tired and sleepy. I begged him to listen to me because I had been so sad and worried that i didnt even slept or ate, but he didnt want to listen and told me to call him a few hours later.
Today i called him, and his room mate told me that he just went out with his girlfriend (the one that he cheated on me with). His other friend (who i trust more, because his room mate dislike me a lot and have been lying to me before) that she was here, and she was looking for something but that my boyfriend had told her to leave and she did.
I tried to call for almost 5 hours now, nobody is home which is strange since its 4 people living there and he havent been home since 3pm.
The way he is acting makes me worried and sad, my friend who did have a similiar relationship told me that its a guy thing that he need space. He do have a lot on his mind, he has to come up with money for his rent, for the other bills, he is going to court next week (family court, not a big thing), he has to save money to pay me back, he has to save money to move, he has to save money to see me in January and he has to work a lot and worry about his mother's health.
Is it just that he need space or do i have to worry? He acted like this before I came to see him and that was around the time he was cheating. But I am almost sure that he are not with someone else, i am just worried about how he acts towards me. Is it space he need? Should i stop calling him and wait for him to call? PLEASE HELP! I dont know what to do anymore, i wake up in the middle of the night and i sleep an hour everyday becaue this makes me so worried and sad. Will this relationship work? Please help!
/ Fang

Fang,
I'm sorry to say that it doesn't sound like this is going to work out. I don't have a crystal ball (and neither do you!) but you know in your heart that this man is not behaving as he should towards you.
Good luck and I hope you find someone that will make you happy soon.
I have to agree with the PP, that the prognosis on your relationship does not sound great. From what you mentioned he hasn't sounded happy to hear from you at all since you've left. Yes, he has stresses to deal with, but who doesn't. When you are in a relationship you look forward to hearing from your partner, you shouldn't be annoyed.
It does sound like you are calling him a lot which could be a turn off to him. Has he contacted you at all, or are you the one doing all the work? Let him contact you next time, resist calling him no matter how much you want to. See how long it takes him to call you.
You need to stop. You can't make it work if you put your mind to it, unless he is also willing to make it work. You only have control over what you feel and do. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work, they both have to want it 100%.
Has HE told you he loves you? Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks he is thinking or feeling, only he knows that. Actions speak louder than words. Get some self respect for yourself and quit calling him. If he wants to get in touch with you he will. The harder you try the more needy and desperate you seem to him, which will only push him away more.
Learn to love and respect yourself first. Go on with your life, if it is meant to be it will be. Good luck
Look at it this way; you've only REALLY known this guy for about a month. Regardless of how long you've been talking online, you only met him a month ago. Until then, look at how easily he kept up the secret of dating someone else.
The relationship you're trying to salvage is one that you've made up in your mind as some kind of fantasy where you end up together and he's a great father and husband. The real person you're with is someone who doesn't treat you well, keeps secrets from you, doesn't want to talk to you, is a liar, and is clearly dating other people.
Stop letting him get away with this. Put down the phone and don't ever call him or talk to him again. Find someone who is available and actually treats you well. You're getting used like a typical womanizing man does to a typical naive girl, please don't keep yourself in this position. It hurts to see other women acting this way. No man is worth that.
honeybee_89,
My best advice, stop calling him and see how long it takes him to pick up the phone to contact you.