help...between two men!!!!
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help...between two men!!!!
| Mon, 08-02-2004 - 11:39am |
I have been dating a GREAT guy for over a year. Its been a great relationship, and he treats me wonderfully. The only problem is my ex boyfriend. We dated for four years straight and broke up while he was away working in another state. I know the distance seperated us, and we were going to get married a year after he got back. I got scared of getting married, and just flipped and cut it off with him. I had also cheated on him toward the end with my now boyfriend. Now the problem is, I miss my ex terribly. He has a new girlfriend, who is one of my old friends(grr)...but he still calls me and tells me that he loves me. I see him occasionally, but i have not cheated with him. My now boyfriend wants to marry me and im not ready. I dont know if that is because i still love my ex or what? I need help! i hope someone else has been in this situation and knows some great advice. I guess my questions are....should i stay with my boyfriend or take some time alone??i have not been alone in over 5 years....what do i do about my ex? im very confused...i hope someone can help!

Maybe it is time to talk to a counselor to figure out why you are doing this.
Unavailability seems to make people more attractive. Maybe if you were free, the ex wouldn't actually want you as much as he thinks. Maybe he just wants to see if he can get you, like a challenge. You don't want to be somebody's game. Maybe you both just want to try it out because it is familiar, or to give it one more go. Look on down the road and be brutally honest in what you see. Where do you see each of these guys in 6 years? Where do you see yourself? Take a GOOD long look at their family relationships. These are great predictors. WOuld you want to be married to his father? WOuld you want him to treat you like he treats his mother? Would you mind if he DIDN"T treat you like he treats his mother? (ie just because he treats her like a queen doesn't mean he -or she- has room for two of them in his life). My husband was so sweet and protective of his little sisters, I thought that meant he would be that way with our kids- didn't happen. He had big dreams/plans and said all the right words, but his actions didn't match up (and I thought I could spot a dreamer for sure!)
I still have moments of what if I had stayed with guy #1. We were together many years and DH and I married a year after we started dating. I wish I had spent time on my own in between. I really think things would have been different- like I wouldn't be with either of them!