HELP!FRUSTRATED!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
HELP!FRUSTRATED!
3
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 3:02am
I met my boyfriend in a pub where I was a waitress.Soon after we got together he hated the idea of me working there and we quarelled almost every night I had to work.He asked me to quit and well, I took some time to but eventually I did.What's frustrating me is that he visits such pubs as well and we agreed he does it only on fridays but now he goes even on saturdays and sometimes even on weekdays.He says he loves to play pool and compete with the people there and that's why he goes.I believe him but it just bothers me so much he'd rather go play than bring me out since he only has time for me during the weekends.Sometimes I do tag along but I don't like going to pubs all the time as we hardly are able to talk or do anyhting together since he's always playing pool.We quarelled and what hurts is that he can so easily say he doesn't need a girlfriend and that he hates being controlled.He knows I don't like him going but he doesn't seem to care and goes all the same.How do I handle such a guy who loves to be in control but doesn't allow himself to be controlled? In what kinda manner should I talk to him so I can have a win-win situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:59am
WEll in my opinion a 'win win situation' is one where you let each other be individuals also. The fact that you quit your job for him says a lot about the relationship...and the fact that you are asking him not to go out....it sounds like you are both are very insecure and need to work on your own self esteem and understanding that to be a healthy couple, you need to be secure with your relationship and TRUST eachother. Why does it bother you that he goes out and why did he want you to quit your job? It's not like you were taking your clothes off right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:51am

Welcome to the board midnightshimmer,


A person that likes to in control in not going to allow someone to control them. I think him asking you to quit your job as a waitress is a huge red flag. I really think you should reconsider the relationship.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 6:45pm

Hi midnightshimmer,


To me, it doesn't sound as if you are both on the same page in the relationship.