Help!!he cheated and I'm so confused!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Help!!he cheated and I'm so confused!!!!
6
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 9:15am

'm at a complete loss on what to do and need serious advice please.

I've been seeing my boyfriend for four months now. It doesn't seem long, I know, but it was one of those moments that you hear people talk about---that feeling of when you know, you know. Well, I just knew that he was the one for me and we fell in love with each other quickly. It feels like we have known each other forever. It took me some time to feel like I could love him and I was still working on trusting him because my ex-husband had cheated on me and I had trust issues from that. My boyfriend told me he would never hurt me and he loved me. Then last week someone (he says he doesn't know who--we both suspect his ex) broke into his email account and forwarded me some emails. And I found out through these emails that my boyfriend had been cheating on me. I confronted him with the emails and he confessed. Here is what he confessed to:
*He has answered several ads off an online personals site from men and women.
*He has posted ads for casual encounters on that same personals site.
*He has met several people off of that site for oral encounters (he claims it went no further).
*He posted a profile on a online dating site and sent flirts to several women--he claims he never emailed or contacted them further
*He search profiles and answered at least one on another free dating site but went no further
*He called the phone dating services and listened to the ads--he claimed he didn't answer or talk to any of the people on there.

So, given the facts--there was lots of lying and cheating going on. Since he has begged my forgiveness and he swears he won't do it again. He has even contacted a counseling service to get help. But I'm at a loss, I took my ex-husband back after he cheated and he did it again so my trust level is not good. And I really love my boyfriend--I really do, but I don't know what to do. He has been calling constantly trying to verify his whereabouts, but I wonder if he really is where he says he is. He knows that I'm trying to think through things right now but he is trying to prove I can trust him. And I don't know if I can. What should I do? Should I give him another chance since he is trying? And if I do--how do I trust him again? of Should I give it up because he cheated?
Help me please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 9:30am

If he can't be faithful after four months with you, when the relationship is the most exciting it will EVER get, how can you trust him to be in a faithful long-term relationship with you?

You can't. Move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 10:20am

Welcome to the board gmcgrl,


Sorry I gotta say I agree with eggbertshootsfire, 4 months and he's been doing all this? When the relationship between the two of you is supposed to be in the 'honeymoon' stage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 11:27am

Welcome the board gmcgrl,


These are not the actions of a man who has any interest in being in a committed relationships. This weren't just oops things that happened they were thought out, planned, and deliberate. Do not give him another chance to hurt you.


Also since he had sexual encounters (with both men and women)with so many people while you together, I strongly suggested you get tested for STDs.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 12:55pm

Oh, my gosh NO!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:26pm
Well given your past, i am acutally suprised you are thinking about taking him back!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:42pm
Welcome to the board oceangirl622 and thanks for participating.