her past is brothering me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
her past is brothering me
12
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 5:53pm
Hi - I am new to this message board so I thought I would give this

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 6:42pm

Oh my.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 9:26pm

HI Thanks for replying to my message.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 10:08pm

Welcome to the board iamconfused29,


::Maybe I just feeling this way because she has throw things in my face.


This could be that

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 10:13pm

I understand your feelings; no one wants to picture someone they love with another person and she went way too far in discussing details about her other relationships. It was wrong of her - the reason most girls do this is to inspire a little bit of jealousy to keep their guy interested, or to gauge how interested he is.

You have a right to opt out of this information and you should tell her that it makes you uncomfortable. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and asked her not to share anything else with you on the subject. How has she responded since?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 10:24am

Hi - eggbertshootsfire


Thanks for responding to my message.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 11:41am

There's no need for her to lie if you're not asking questions. She just needs to omit information like that.

I understand the feeling that she's "cheated" on you just by mentioning this stuff to you. I'm sure people will say "what's past is past" but when you learn about something someone did, even if it was five years ago, to you it happened this instant. You're only human, and humans as a natural instinct take information they are given and use it to better understand the object of question. I'd actually be surprised if learning things she did in her past that were crazy and uncharacteristic didn't alter your opinion of her. That's how the human mind works.

The female part of my brain that I can't ignore knows exactly why she's doing this. And she does too. She knows precisely what reaction from you she is eliciting by telling you these things, and that's what she wants. She does it because she wants you to be upset about it, and because (probably) she feels a certain amount of control over you by telling you things you don't want to hear.

If she stops then that's great. But if she continues to throw these incidents in your face then I think you should rethink this relationship because a healthy, sane woman doesn't take enjoyment out of these things. Yet it's very characteristic of a woman with a cruel streak to do exactly what she's doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 11:50am

Like eggbert, I would like to suggest that maybe she did offer those things as a way of "impressing" you with her experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 1:48pm

I really wish she did omit that information from me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 3:06pm

Hi


You maybe right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 10:38am

Hello There,


I just want you to know that you are not alone in this issue.

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