Here Again. What should I do? UPDATE
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|Thu, 01-24-2013 - 5:18pm|
Well, the relationship is now officially over. Our wedding date was set for February 17th and it has been getting closer. Because I didn't and still do not want to marry him, I was not talking about it or anything. His family kept asking him questions that he didn't have the answers for. This past Saturday I was very emotional and told him that given our financial situation and his 14 month unemployment and the fact that our townhome is for sale and not selling, we need to postpone again. (This would be my third postponement by the way). He said that getting married is not about money but about each other. That we are the most important reason to get married. I agreed, but also added that without a job and a mortgage to pay, and if I lose my job, we will be in trouble. He accused me of caring about nothing but money. I said that is not fair, since I agreed to marry him one month after he lost his job. For this entire year I have been handing him half my paycheck to pay the bills. By the way, he got two jobs since then and walked out of both.
He said that if we don't get married on the 17th we shouldn't get married at all. He told me to think about it. I told him I would have an answer for him in one week. Well, he couldn't hold out. This past Tuesday he asked me again, and I told him the same thing. He was more agreeable this time and said "fine, but we will not set a date this time. We will wait until this place sells and I get a job." I thought this topic was over with. I was relieved that I would not be legally bound to him and agreed with the plan.
Yesterday, we were sitting on the couch eating and all of a sudden he jumps up out of nowhere and says "I need to check my email". When he went upstairs I noticed my cell phone was gone. I walked up and he was on it, calling one of my friends pretending to be playing a joke. She hung up on him. He handed me the phone and said "your best friend just hung up on me." I said "what in the world are you doing?" Then he accussed me of spying on him and how could I know that was my phone he was on. I told him that his phone was downstairs so whose other phone would it be? He said "Oh so now you see where my phone is? All you do is spy on me." I didn't know what to say. All of this sounded so crazy to me. So out of left field. I got angry and started packing an overnight bag to go stay with my parents. I went downstairs and asked him angrily what his problem was. He calmly told me that maybe he is better off alone, to watch the shows he wants to watch, eat when he wants to and listen to his music. He said that sad as it is maybe he is not meant to be with anyone. That our relationship is a daily grind on him and that he is not happy. So then I asked him "why then, if you are so miserable, did you insist on getting married?" He told me he believed it would help jumpstart things again. I told him I completely agree with him that we should not get married. He kept telling me that all I care about is money and that he feels I am his enemy. He cannot be with someone like me and then he made it sound as though it was my idea to never get married. I was so exhausted and confused I told him I was going to my parents house and that tomorrow I would pack up my things. I asked him if he would agree to spend some days apart and that we can reevaluate the situation. (Don't ask me why I said that). He said, fine whatever you want to do but it won't change anything. You still don't want to get married." I left quietly saying "I will see you in a few days."
I packed up my things and now I am back with my parents until I find a place of my own. My heart is in pieces. My mind knows this man is not right for me or right at all. But my heart doesn't understand. I am so hurt by this and by the nearly 7 years I spent with him. The familiarity of him. When I went over there this morning he was gone to give me space to pack. The bathroom still smelled like his cologne after his shower. I broke down. I know there is no going back. Please wish me some strength to get over this. I know it has been brewing for some time, but it still feels sudden to me. One day I am there, one day I'm gone. Please give me some words of advice.