Here is the whole story....WHAT DO I DO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Here is the whole story....WHAT DO I DO?
4
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 12:39pm
THIS IS THE WHOLE STORY....the short version.. i dated this guy for 6 months and I got pregnant. He left me with child for 3.5 years. I allowed him to come back in to my life. We were in love. He had a drug problem and went to rehab--became sober and we picked up were we left off. He sleept a lot and didnt help out much financially. He is still clean, but was just lazy and didnt do much. I complained a lot and wanted him to be up earlier than he was and help out more financially. We went through arguement after argument about finances. We finally agreed on something and tried to work everything else out. He said he loved me more than we he has loved anyone. The problem is. After the past year and 1/2 of living together he has decided he wants space and needs to find himself. He said he didnt want a relationship with anyone right now. He needed to figure out what he wants out of life and cant do that living with us..(me and his 5 year old). I dont understand why he had to move to his own place if he really loves me. Does he not love me??? I am so hurt and confused. (my son id fine!) I am suffering and struggling everyday to figure out what I did wrong. He said it wasnt me that it was him..If you love something set it free?? TRhat must be true???
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 1:24pm
i'm not sure why you're confused. he laid it out pretty clearly. love you or not, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. there isn't much you can do about that. he may come back to you, he may not. but you can't control him or "make" him stay with you. let him go and work on making life better for you and your son.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 3:31pm
I agree with that but would also like to add that if he DOES come back I don't think I personally would take him back so soon if at all. I see a pattern forming. Seems to me he's only with you when it's convienient with him (love you or not)...not considering you or your child's opinions and feelings on the situation. If he comes back he'll most likely stay till he's not sure again then leave again. Then there you'll be hurting and confused again. I'm sure it's nothing you've done so don't be so hard on yourself...when he said it's him...IT'S HIM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 5:27pm
Sounds like to me he is looking for an easy fix, and easy way out . Take care of yourself and your son. let him go, if he comes back make sure he is working and able to help support you and your son. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 4:59pm
Instead of wondering what you did wrong, I think you should take this time to think about the good things about yourself and maybe rebuild your self confidence. I can see great things in you and I don't even know you! You support your house and raise your child. You are obviosuly a caring person and lovng. You need to focus on you, not him, and remember that you have many possibilities for love other than this guy. Sometimes we are blinded by people and don't realize our own potential or that there are other people in the world. If you do that, the next time that this guy wants to come back, you may find that you really don't want or need him. And if you do, you might find that things are different in that he has to do all the work. GOod luck!