Here's a new one - Jehovah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Here's a new one - Jehovah
17
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 9:58pm
HELP! My boyfriend and I are deeply in love, HOWEVER, the one thing standing in our way is that he's a Jehovah's Witness and is forbidden a relationship with me, who is not. I've been trying to learn more about the religion but frankly, if a religion says that it's customary to SHUN your OWN FAMILY for BREAKING THE RULES, I find that to be completely ridiculous. Unfortunately, this is how he's always been brought up so he's kinda "brainwashed". I love this man more than anything and would do anything for him but he does not have the courage to stand up to his family (he's 36!). He's told me that he'd rather his mom THINK that he was already happy instead of breaking her heart. HOW CAN I COMPETE WITH THAT and what on earth do I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 10:41pm

You can't compete with that.

Unfortunately this guy has chosen his future and it doesn't have you in it. As long as he chooses this religion, he won't be able to have an honest relationship with you.

If you aren't willing to convert for him and buy into the whole lifestyle then I think you should call it off. There are some things you just can't compete with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:52am

Walk away.

If someone has a strongly held belief that you cannot accept, you are incompatible, regardless of how much you profess to love one another. All you will do is get heartache.

Move on now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 11:29am
Out of curiosity, is he even 'allowed' to date you if you are not a Jehovah's Witness? Or, is it strictly marriage that counts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 3:45pm
I believe it's pretty much everything, dating as well as marriage. But I love him and we both really want to make it work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 3:52pm
I wish it was that easy to let go of someone who's your entire life.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 4:14pm
It's not easy, but a person should not be your entire life (I hope you meant that over-romantically...) and while it's really tough, if you know you can't have the future you want with this guy it's easier to end it now rather than later. I know how it feels to let someone go when you still love them - it's really, really hard. But if this guy loved you enough to want to have a future with you, it would take renouncing his religion and very likely isolating himself from his family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 4:21pm

Ouch.......yes, I did mean that over-romantically but he's such a huge part of my life, I can't imagine it without him. I KNOW what I SHOULD do but I also know what I will most likely END up doing and they definately aren't the same thing. I appreciate your advice, thank you.

D

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 9:04pm

You know, I have to question just how dedicated he is to his beliefs.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 9:27pm
I understand what you're saying but it's not so much HIS beliefs as it is his PARENTS beliefs. He believes it's what he HAS to do and would do anything not to disappoint his family. I know it's odd coming from a 36 year old MAN that he allows his parents to continue to run his life and I find that to be the difficult part. He's already broken several "rules" that if the congregation ever found out, he'd be shunned immediately but he takes these chances to be with me and he swears up and down that we're forever, that things aren't permanent and to be patient. You know I want to believe him more than anything. D
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 9:39pm

What things aren't permanent? Is he waiting for his parents to die, or for you to convert to his religion? I imagine his parents are around 60; they could have many more healthy years ahead of them, and I haven't read anything that leads me to believe you'd be a willing convert.

Even if you DO manage to make a life together, give some thought to what happens when you have children. Most parents strongly and instinctively want to raise their kids in the religion they grew up with--what will you do then?

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