Here's a new one - Jehovah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Here's a new one - Jehovah
17
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 9:58pm
HELP! My boyfriend and I are deeply in love, HOWEVER, the one thing standing in our way is that he's a Jehovah's Witness and is forbidden a relationship with me, who is not. I've been trying to learn more about the religion but frankly, if a religion says that it's customary to SHUN your OWN FAMILY for BREAKING THE RULES, I find that to be completely ridiculous. Unfortunately, this is how he's always been brought up so he's kinda "brainwashed". I love this man more than anything and would do anything for him but he does not have the courage to stand up to his family (he's 36!). He's told me that he'd rather his mom THINK that he was already happy instead of breaking her heart. HOW CAN I COMPETE WITH THAT and what on earth do I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 9:52pm
I have a child from a previous marriage and we've already discussed it and we do not want to have children. As for converting, I HAVE mentioned it to him and he just tells me that it's much more involved than I might think it is. I wonder why it is I'm getting so many negative responses when isn't the important thing to LOVE one another? Isn't that everyone wants?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 10:42pm
What responses were you anticipating? When you first posted, what did you think we would probably say?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 12:12am

"He believes it's what he HAS to do and would do anything not to disappoint his family."

I'm sorry to say this but this is the answer right here and you'd be fooling yourself to try to go against this. I don't really know what you want us to say, if you are right and he feels this way about his parents then you really do not have a chance with him long-term.

I know you want us to say "go for it, love conquers all" but it doesn't, and it would be wrong for us to tell you go to into a relationship where you ultimately come out hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 12:57am
Listen, I can't say what I would do in your situation, nor can I suggest what I think you should do. I will tell you this story though, my uncle came to visit us in Hawaii during my senior year in high school and fell in love with a woman there. She and her family are devout Jehovah's witnesses. He was not, is not and will never be. They have been married for about 19 years with two children. She is still a Jehovah's witness, he is still NOT! She doesn't like it, but he celebrates Christmas, birthdays and other holidays with the kids (she does not participate). She brings the children with her to religious functions and to visit her family in Hawaii. She has never renounced her religion and he has never converted. Somehow, they have made it work. I'm not saying it's been easy for them. Her family doesn't want any sort of relationship with him and my family (well mostly my grandmother) doesn't try to have a relationship with her. That is their life, such as it is, but they are happy together. I don't know if this helps you at all, but for what it's worth, I thought I'd tell you their story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 5:22pm

I guess I was hoping for "love conquers all" type responses to hang in there and all that good stuff. I don't WANT to let him go, I want to try and work it out no matter what it is that I have to do. I never before HAD a relationship this fulfilling before and I don't want to give up without a fight and I believe in it. Just looking for support instead of people telling me to walk away. Cause I just can't.

D

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 9:33pm

Welcome to the board drgmommy,


If love conqured all, none of us would be here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 6:27pm

I so thank you for that story.....it's one positive happy-ending whereas everyone else advises me to just walk away from the only man that's ever made me truly happy....

D

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