He's back but I'm scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
He's back but I'm scared
4
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 4:18pm
My boyfriend and I met during the summer of 2003, and we were exclusive for one year straight. During that time, the first six months of the relationship were wonderful. We were so in love, enjoyed one another's company, etc. But something happened during the winter of 2004. My old best friend cut off the friendship with me, and I grew very depressed and became needy with my boyfriend. It turned him off, and instead of him trying to help me through my situation (he tried a little) he got disgusted and stayed unhappy in the relationship for a few months (in the meantime he was going behind my back searching around on the online dating websites). The breakup finally occured this past July due to lack of communication. For months we were together but there was a wall up and we were very distant with one another. OK...so the breakup occured in July like I said... one month later I decided to randomly stop at his house to see if we could at least stay friends because we were so close throughout the year. But when I went to see him, we realized that we were still in love. So for the past 2 months we've been occasionally seeing each other yet dating other people. Just last night, we decided that it hurts too much to date other people, so we're now exclusive again and are trying to make this work.

I learned a lot in the past few months. I'm independent now, we're learning to trust one another, we're giving each other lots of space and are trying to do things differently because we want it to work. Problem is that I am so scared. We freak ourselves out because we want to get married someday but have this fear about it. We're both 21 years old...I think the major problem is we feel like we found one another too young and are afraid it will end again the same way it did b4....any advice on what to do? think? I'm very confused and don't know why I feel so scared....Thx.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 5:19pm
You have to get to the bottom of the fear, have you considered short term counseling to help you figure things out?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:24am

In other words, you both feel like had you met each other in a few years, things would have worked out...or you would have a better chance?I am a firm beleiver that things happen for a reason...some may disagree, but instead of wondering what is going to happen- when you cant change that anyways, start enjoying the time you have with him now.......


Best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:07am
See I have a hard time believing "if things were meant to be." Personally, I know that I would have no problem staying with this guy from 21 on because I love him. Age doesn't matter to me, once you find the right person, it just fits. But, I am only 50% of that relationship....if he doesn't feel the same way, then it will end. I have a hard time believing "fate" because I feel like you make your choices and decisions in life, and you are in control of where it goes. There shouldn't be an age limit on love. "oh we would have been in love and married if we only met when we were 24." I dunno, I think my bf thinks like that and with that mindset, you'll never find true love. It isn't about age, isn't about finding that right person.......right?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:37am
Hmm..this is sort of similar to what I am going through right now, but not quite. Yours is a better situation actually - your boyfriend admitted that he still has feelings for you. Mine, well, we are back but he still needs to figure things out. Plus. the long distance.

I really cannot offer any concrete advice as I am dealing with a relationship problem myself, but hear this: Trust is important. I would do anything to be in ur situation right now - your boyfriend is sure that he still wants to be with you. It's a big thing. Instead of being scared, enjoy the fun you're having together and never forget to remain friends. Be independent but make him feel that he is making you happy at the same time. I have been reading a lot about relationships lately because of my current dilemma.

So in a nutshell, dont be afraid and take things easy. Remain as friends and lovers at the same time. Just enjoy the days that you spend together. Live as if you'll die tomorrow, learn as if you'll live forever. Take one step at a time and you'll get where you want to be. being paranoid about it wont help, it became one of my pitfalls. =)