hes gone on holiday
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| Sun, 07-15-2007 - 3:56pm |
my boyfriend's gone away to london today to fly off to spain tomorrow to some big huge fancy music festival with his two best friends.
we've been together 7 months now and literally spent everyday/night together give or day 5 days, (abit extreme, perhaps) but it's been bliss up to this point.
we got back from a slightly difficult holiday in paris last tuesday and now he's jetting off for 10-15 days and already im cut up about it, ive been feeling depressed all day and crying then when i think about how he won't be coming round to mine after work tomorrow it makes me break down even further.
i also feel that in the future all he'll remember of summer 2007 is that 'awesome music festival we went to in valencia!'
after shunning my friends whilst in this relationship i barely have anyone to socialize with anymore, all my family are doing their own thing so to make things worse im pretty much on my own throughout the time he'll be away.
i haven't got a job (although i've been desperately seeking one the last few weeks), don't have any hobbies, probably spend too much time on the internet, and right now all im feeling is extremely depressed and lonely.
has anyone got any advice on how i can get through it, or any thoughts about anything because im just at a very low point right now

Your relationship is causing a problem with your life, because while it seems good that you want to be together all of the time, you really have spent way too much time together and as a result your friendships have greatly suffered.
I think it is highly likely, reading your behavior, that you have codependency problems. There is support you can find on these boards.
I think you should try to repair your friendships, even if it means a lot of difficult apologies.
No one can live with one person alone, it's okay to put your boyfriend first in your life most of the time but to make him the ONLY person in your life is extremely unhealthy and it will destroy your relationship.
thanks for the reply i can totally relate to what your saying.
i have got some plans for the week ahead to meet up with old friends etc,
eventhough your advice was correct and helpful i still feel like i dont know what to do.
i actually feel depressed,
ive never had this before, with last serious boyfriend i wasnt like this at all and felt i acted like all normal girlfriends do when they spend time apart, but this time i feel it is different completely.
i feel like a freak!
i never tell my current boyfriend my feelings about anything and usually my offhandedness and snappiness leads us into arguments.
i literally feel like i dont know what to do at all, about anything, about myself. i thought that before he went away i would be fine and probably miss him the first day and then nothing id be fine but this feeling i have now is completely overwhelming and difficult to control.
its not even the fact that he's away but the fact that he's away and not even had any inclination to contact me at all. i was offhand this morning when he left because i thought that being dissmissive about the whole thing and him being here would make it easier to bear whilst he is actually away but it hasnt if anything it has made it worst because we didnt have a proper goodbye.
i feel so terribly needy and it isnt like me at all, hes just consumed my life and i dont know what to do without him
I'm not thinking co-dependancy....instead, I'm thinking clinical depression.
When I read your first post I thought "she feels like I did before I was diagnosed with depression". Among other symptoms, I couldn't cope if he wasn't wround and I lost all desire to go out and socialise. There was nothing wrong with his actions... the problems were all mine.
I'm not trying to diagnose you, but I am suggesting you should talk this over with your doctor. See what he thinks.
I agree with the poster who said you might be codependent. You have no life - you seem to have given it up and made this boyfriend your life - you must see how unhealthy this is.
A relationship should *add* to your life, not *be* your life. You are right that your feelings are out of control. You need to take a step back from this relationship and re-evaluate your life. What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? What other relationships have value in your life and how are you taking care of those relationships? I would definitely do some self-help reading.
It's good that you recognize that this is not normal behavior, because it isn't. Eventually, when the newness of this relationship wears off, your boyfriend will not like your neediness and lack of your own life. While he is gone, why don't you go out and start to get a life, so that when he comes back you can enjoy his return rather than resume your life.
Best wishes,
Coolas
>>While he is gone, why don't you go out and start to get a life, so that when he comes back you can enjoy his return rather than resume your life.<<
May I just give a warning that if you find this IMPOSSIBLE to do...if you can't stop crying and missing him....if going out seems like a mountian too high to climb....reconsider the depression idea.
If I had written here when I was depressed, I would have fitted the symptoms which other people look for in co-dependency. However, it was NOT a co-dependant relationship. I was simply too depressed to function in a healthy way.
I've been taking anti-depressants for years now (depression runs in my family) and this absolute dependancy on my parter is well and truly a thing of the past.