He's Great...Should I Dump Him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
He's Great...Should I Dump Him?
1
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 4:49pm
I am a soon-to-be sophomore in college who has dated a great guy, Jake, for 7 months. We were good friends since we got onto campus, much of it because we lived next door to each other, and he never thought he had a chance with me. Right after I broke up with someone, though, I developed a crush on him and he and I started dating.

It moved very quickly. We exchanged I love you's within a month and a half. I was his first everything. We were very happy together and had (have) all the same friends and spent tons and tons of time together. We were "that couple." But I often felt when I was doing something sweet or saying something sweet that it was like I was fulfilling a role, playing a part without an audience.

Over break, I hooked up with a guy. When I came back all my warm fuzzy feelings for Jake were gone, but a friend told me just to wait, it had only been a couple of days. Sure enough by the week's end I was in love again. I told Jake what happened with the guy (though I played it off as less my fault than it was) a month later. He took it so well, just wanted to make sure I was ok, and I didn't find out for weeks that he had been really upset. He was just so caring and giving. Our social lives became even more enmeshed; I hardly have one of my own now. We were like a unit.

Fast forward to now. It's been 2 months since I'd seen him, and I just saw him for 2 days. Again, I felt zip for him. But he is still crazy in love with me. I realize now I gave up a lot my freshman year for the relationship, and I am not sure it was worth it, although he is such a caring, sweet guy who is crazy about me. I also have found myself become attracted to other guys again, which I wasn't at first.

I have already bought tickets to visit him in 2 weeks for a week. What should I do? I am afraid that if I go and see how it goes, I will be persuaded, just by us having a good time, that I should stay in the relationship. But I think I want independence. But I also have had so many good times with him, and love the friends and times we shared.

Bottom line: just because I fall in and out of love, does that mean I should end it? Even given everything I (we'd) be sacrificing? And if I should end it, how? I was thinking of telling him, at the end of the trip, that I think a break would be good for us both.

Please help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 5:51pm
I think you need to be honest with him about your feelings. YOu sound like you need some space to see how you really feel. Sometimes we get overwhelmed when we spend too much time together with someone and maybe that is what happened to you. It is also possible since you are young that you have outgrown him.

Time will tell. And honesty is always the best policy for everyone.