Hes having alot of doubts and fears...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Hes having alot of doubts and fears...
6
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 11:42am
Ive been in a very serious committed relationship for almost 6 years now never broken up or seperated not once. im currently 23 yrs old and my bf is 21 yrs old. We lived together for 3 years at my parents house then we moved into our first home in Feb. 2008 and my parents had to move with us because my dad lost his job and they dont make enough money to support themselves. Anyways thats besides the point. i know my bf so well (hes my bestfriend) that i can sense when he is sad or unhappy or just simply has something on his mind, hes not a very expressive person like me so sometimes i have to try very hard to pull it out of him and when i do its not so pretty. Basically Im just going to come right out and say everything he has said. Now i know why hes not marrying me yet okay here goes.. hes scared because im the first women hes ever been with, he says he knows he has something so good and that weve grown up alot together and matured and he doesnt want to end it, he says he loves me and cares about me such on a deep level but he doesnt feel that excitement of always wanting to be with me, he says he feels insecure sometimes of the fact that im not as sexual as him so he feels undesired even though i give it to him whenever he wants, he says that we have such a good relationship were respectful and faithful to eachother but it seems were lacking that friendship where we do things by ourselves meaning we never get drunk together i always have to have a whole bunch of people around to have fun, he thinks about the fact that he doesnt have much life experience by himself being that weve been together from so young but then the grass isnt always greener on the other side and he starts to think were so good to eachother and he still has a major attraction towards me and now we have our own home, careers are good for both of us, we have alot in common, have alot of the same beliefs, have grown up alot together, have learned from eachother and treat eachother better than ever before yet now hes starting to have doubts as the
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 12:35pm

Welcome to the board cr001985,


First, paragraph breaks are your friend, that was really hard to read.


Being together 24/7 does not make for a good solid, healthy relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 12:58pm

There is so many changes coming sweetie and a relationship beginning in your teens is least likely to succeed because of these changes. His concerns are healthy because he hasn't experienced many other girls/women and its imperative that he does!!! If your relationship is strong enough it will withstand his adventures.

I didn't read your entire post because it was just too long and sweetie try paragraphs but my 2 cents on the parents issue is they need to stand on their own two feet!! It appears that you can't make it without your boyfriend financially and that just doesn't fly. Way too much pressure for a young man he must feel horribly trapped. No wonder he has doubts.

Fix your parent's situation immediately!! It is not responsibility to take care of them and especially not his.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 11:47pm

In all honesty, I know you love this person tremendously, but you cannot seriously expect a 21 year old man, who has been in a serious relationship since he was 15 and now has his girlfriend's parents living in his own house to be happy. The harder you pull on him, the harder he is going to pull in the opposite direction. You can't dictate how much time he spends with his friends. He's 21! Cut him some slack. And if it really IS an excessive amount (which I can't imagine it is, being that you spend 24 hours a day together), then ask to be included rather than having him all to yourself. You really need to let him have more free-reign. I don't blame him for not wanting to get married right now. Again, he has every right to enjoy his young adult life. That doesn't mean he can't still enjoy a relationship with you, but if you want to keep him, you should really let up.

ETA: I also didn't read your post thoroughly (apologies!), due to the lengthy paragraph. If I'm way off-base, I'm really sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 10:26am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 08-12-2008 - 11:14am

Hon, your relationship should not be your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2008
Tue, 08-12-2008 - 4:27pm
Z