He's intimidated by my sexuality....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
He's intimidated by my sexuality....
4
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 4:55pm
I have been dating a man for about 2years who is 14 years older than me. The age was an issue for me at first. My hesitation was more about my discomfort with the unknown when it came to our longevity. For right now I felt no age difference. He looks my age, acts my age, but is just farther along is life, carrer and with children. All things I am really ok with. When we first met I was very up front with my high sex drive. Most men find this to be VERY attractive. For the most part in relationships I am usually in the "male" role when it comes to this subject. In the begining he acted very appreciative of my "readiness" shall I say. But slowly and surely it has become more and more obvious how threatened by my hightened interest. Now it is like I have insulted him every time I bring up something sexual. I even believe that at times he is in the mood but because I want it so badly it is almost like it then makes him want it less. Is this the kill joy of the hunt? What mixed messeges our culture teaches. Im either a prude or a nympho! He told me the other day that I am over sexed. This comment was made after I referred to a show about sexual disfunction and I learned some interesting facts I wanted to share with him. I lead a very rounded life, that 90% of the time includes being a mom. My sensual side is "mine", it is the time and part of me that belongs only to me where I get to express myself in a safe place. My interpitation of his reaction is that my hightened sexual side of me intimidates him.... maybe he fears he can't please me? Maybe he fears I might then leave him... being younger than him and all. I guess the part that is so hard for me to understand is... he himself is a sexual man. I believe in a healthy balance, but still a very sexual man. If anyone has any thoughts about this and what I can do to help him understand me and feel safer with who I am and my commitment, I would love to hear your thoughts or insights! Or maybe you can just relate!
Sincerely... the "over sexed mom"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 5:32pm

LOL, welcome to the board utopiandream22,


You two aren't on the same page....sex has got to be mutual in my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 7:25pm

>>My interpitation of his reaction is that my hightened sexual side of me intimidates him.... maybe he fears he can't please me? Maybe he fears I might then leave him... being younger than him and all. I guess the part that is so hard for me to understand is... he himself is a sexual man.<<

Could I make another guess at what's going on? Perhaps his libido is simply lower than yours and he's finding it a chore to keep up with you. Trying to keep up with someone who wants to have and talk about sex much more often than you'd like isn't always a pleasure.

This happened with me and my husband when we were first together. I was always wanting him and quite blunt about my desires...but he got tired of it and sick of me wanting sex all the time. However, in my case, my libido dropped off after a while and we're now on similar pages.

If your libido isn't going to slow down like mine did, I'd suggest you look after your own needs a little more often.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 7:31pm

well, i will not laugh at your problem, because I know it is no laughing matter.

you seemed to indicate that he is sexual and that you didn't think it was a problem with desire either. this tells me that there is a power play going on between you two as it relates to your sex life together. you touched on some of the power play issues that may be there. i suggest professional counseling and help so that you two can figure out how to bring your sex life together.

it may not be that he is intimidated by you it may be that he doesn't feel appreciated for what he does do. do you know and understand what turns him on? do you share what turns him on? really, that could be enough to get it going between the two of you.

either way, this is serious and professional help should be sought unless you can live with a marriage that doesn't have enough sex in it for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 7:38pm

Well, if he is intimidated by your sex drive, then tone it down a bit. I mean, you dont really HAVE to, but make him think you have. Then, he wont feel that way and it might help.

You dont know how bad my husband wishes he had your husband's problem, I have no desire for sex and it's driving him (and in turn me) crazy!!

Good luck darlin!