He's making a huge mistake

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
He's making a huge mistake
3
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 10:35pm
My boyfriend of 3.5 years just announced to me a week ago that we are breaking up. He says that he just "doesn't care" anymore. He has been taking Celexa for depression, and I found out that one of the side effects is lack of emotion. I am hoping that this is the problem, but am starting to think that he really does want to break it off.

He told me that he still loves me and wants to hang out and be best friends. I have gone back and forth, because he is depressed and I am worried about him but I finally told him last night that I can't see him as just a friend so we shouldn't call each other.

He has taken my life from me. I feel like after 3.5 years he should give us a chance to get over this together. I feel so incredibly abandoned. I'm a college student, set to graduate in December, and my grades are suffering. I have panic attacks every time I try to sit through a class, and I can't concentrate. I cry all day long. It has been a week. When will it get better?

I feel like he is making the biggest mistake of our lives. I look around my apartment, and everything I have reminds me of him. What can I do? How can I move on when I know that my soul mate is out there making a mistake?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 3:00am
now you listen to me, honey.

yes, your boyfriend is making a huge mistake... men do that sometimes.... but it's not up to you to hurt yourself as a result. he's the one being a moron, not you.

your best tact is to stand proud and finish school and be dignified and let him mess up if he's gonna mess up.

you did a great thing telling him you couldn't have any contact. keep that up!

don't you DARE let him ruin school for you or make you fall apart... remember, he's just a man and there's a huge, big world out there waiting for you.

you maybe scared about graduating and what the world has in store for you but you're in control... you've done a great job so far and that is something you will always be proud of.

and in the future you will be proud of yourself that you didn't let yourself fall apart because of this guy...

he has NOT taken your life from you! he has not! do you hear me??? don't you give him that power over you! you are strong and you sound like a very good person and just because your boyfriend's time expired doesn't mean you are any less of a good person.

i want you to clear out your apartment of anything that reminds you of him... pictures, letters. anything. everything.

get new sheets, too. get new stuff. go to a thrift store and get yourself some snazzy fashions...

keep your dignity and keep with no contact - unless he sees the error of his ways.

and really, really believe that everything happens for a reason.

it's true. and life is too big and wonderful for you to let yourself go because one guy you've dated lost his way... that's his problem.

you are much stronger than you believe... let that strength come out.

smile, take care of yourself, indulge yourself in happiness and the right man who's not confused or depressed or unreliable will come your way - guaranteed!

let me know how you're doing, ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 8:13am
thank you so much. i know that i need to move on and take care of myself. i keep thinking that he'll change his mind, but he hasn't. i'm going to wait for him to call, and if he hasn't called in a week i'll go over there and tell him that we need to seperate our stuff.

i know that he's having a horrible time dealing with this too. It makes me wonder if he knows what he's doing. I miss him so much. I feel so empty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 11:56am
I agree with the other post. However, in fairness to him and help for you, I wonder it the medication is making him behave uncharacteristically. I am extremely wary of psychotropic drugs. IF you can persuade him, I would strongly urge him to get off the medication and drink or eat lots of cranberries. They are a natural anti-dote to nearly every, if not every, drug. Maybe he'll start acting like himself again.

I, too, want to encourage you to hang in there. It sounds like you have a lot going to you and you do need to focus your attention during this critical time. Have you thought about vigorous physical exercise to take-up extra energy? Just anything you can do to really take care of yourself right now would be good. Maybe talk to friends and family? Best wishes!