He`s turned from boyfriend to lodger

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
He`s turned from boyfriend to lodger
2
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 6:15pm
Well, the situation has being going on for around a month now, my boyfriend has a lovely way of punishing me if he`s not happy with things by denying me any phyisical contact, now in the past this has lasted a couple of days, this time after we went for what was meant to be a romantic weekend turned into a disaster we had a bust up he left me stranded in London and took the car, I had to make my own way home by train.

Anyhow not surprisingly he didn`t come home for a week, I forgave him ( stupid me ) and all I really wanted was to sort things out, but since then he`s moved into the spare room, refuses to show me any affection and doesn`t like it when I try to touch him etc, of course iv`e lost my rag on several occasions about this, but he wont give me any indication as to when this will end if it ever will, we are now buying our food seperately it`s just like he`s a lodger not my boyfriend, I know I ought to just kick him out but if theres any hope of saving this relationship I`m open to suggestions please!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 7:00pm
Why do you feel like you have to live with him? Why not live separately and date?

By the way, what was the fight about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 12:36am
Hey there, This sounds familiar to me...

I went through a similar relationship that you are involved in. He would drop me off and make me walk home, he would deny ANY physical attention and he would be miserable to me, plus he would not call me either and then I would find out that he no longer wanted to be with me. And yet the cycle would continue: he would punish me and then he would ask for my forgiveness...and STUPID ME I would forgive him

I think in my opinion this is called emotional abuse! Yes and I think if you view it in that light it may finally click...you may not want to realize it just yet, but this sound like a case of emotional abuse

The sad thing is, I predict,although I am not psychic that all the nasty things he does to you will not only NOT change, but they will get worse and without help (which these men usually refuse to get)will escalate.

He also seems like an attention seeker in my opinion...don't give into these little tantrums he has cause that only feeds his need to abuse you more, instead the best thing to do in my opinion would be ignore him, do your own thing and DONT be worried about his actions...you too can have feelings and be a little bit more selfish...

It sounds like you are too good for him and he knows this...dont let his abuse bring you down, you deserve better than that!

Cheers!