His Assumptions Making an a*s Out Of Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
His Assumptions Making an a*s Out Of Me
22
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 3:45pm
Please forgive me as I am new to posting messages on this board....

I am with a man that I love dearly. He is 33 and I am 27. This is his first serious relationship, but not mine as I am a divorced single mother.

I am writing today for help and guidance on communication.

I am a person that says exactly what I mean. Unfortuantley, he takes what I say and makes assumptions off of it. For example, he says that his friends invited him to go hunting/fishing. I tell him to go hunting/fishing and have a good time. He makes the decision not to go hunting/fishing. Later on we end up fighting about how he can never see his friends.

I find myself saying to him he can't have it both ways. He can't make the decision not to see his friends and then turn around and be mad at me because he hasn't seen them.

He says that he heard my words of telling him to go and have a good time but acted on the tone of my voice. He says he felt I was stating that I would be mad if he went.

I feel like I am going crazy I never said or felt the things that he says I am. I feel trapped in a vicious cycle. The sad part of this story is that when he gets flustrated he says enough and he leaves. Just this a week ago he called me saying he was fishing with a friend and he wasn't coming home that night and he didn't know if he would be home on the weekend, and he didn't know if he was ever coming home. This is the second time things have blown up and he has left for a few days.

I love him and I want to be with him, but this situation is going south fast. I fear that if we don't do something soon this relationship will end. I feel helpless because I am saying what I mean and trying to enforce to him what he heard me say is actually my thoughts and feelings that were stated. How can I help this situation????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 2:33pm
I'd like to revise the website address I gave to: http://www.process-healing.com/page1.htm.#home. Starting there explains it better. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:35am
Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post. I appreciate all the thoughts and feelings that everyone has shared.

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