His Deadbeat Ex Wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2000
His Deadbeat Ex Wife
46
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 10:07am

My husband of 2 years and I have a blended family. We have 6 kids between us, 4 which are at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2000
In reply to: mdwz
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 11:41pm

Gina, Adam and his mother have decided on Post Grad School after HS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
In reply to: mdwz
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 12:58am

Dear mdwz,


I have read with great interest your post about your DH, DS and the EW.

Perky007

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2000
In reply to: mdwz
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 1:10am

Perky, I appreciate your post and am taking it VERY seriously.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
In reply to: mdwz
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 1:29am

If definitely would not co-sign the loan! Your DH may think it's unfair to Adam because of what he did earlier for his daughter, but it would be unfair to your children to financially stretch further for Adam when you will not be able to do the same for them. If Adam and his mother on boarding school, then they will need to come up with a plan to finance it -- a plan that doesn't involve you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: mdwz
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 9:22am

Some other things to consider:

1. I assume that Adam is going to Post-Grad school (also known as a bridge school or grade 13) because he has academic deficiencies. I teach at a private liberal arts college, and some of our students come to us with such deficiencies. I always marvel that these kids will do their developmental work with us, because it's so expensive.

2. The students who start developmental work straight out of high school are seldom successful, because it's just more of what they didn't want to do before. The ones who do the best job of remediating their lack of skills are the ones who have worked for a few years, or been in the military--it takes a certain level of maturity to be willing to accept the consequences of one's earlier decisions.

3. Obviously, Adam hasn't been recruited by any schools with solid hockey programs--that's why he feels that his "job" is to play hockey. However, what we are actually seeing is that no schools feel that his playing is good enough to over-ride his marginal academic record--he's a second- or third-stringer. Thus, his actual "job" is to remediate his deficiencies (do the boring stuff) so he can be recruited.

4. Adam is 17 years old--in just a few months he will be an adult, and the EW's preposterous threats to gain full custody will be completely moot. In fact, considering how long it takes and how much it costs to go to court, that was probably an idle threat in the first place.

SO, here's my suggestion, which will be resoundingly rejected by Adam, your husband, and the EW: This summer, Adam goes to live with his mom and attends the community college closest to her house. He can drive there in the car you bought him. At the community college, he takes courses she pays for to remediate his academic deficiencies, and once he has done this and has an offer to play hockey at a respectable school, you will CONSIDER signing for a loan.

Don't expect to uncap your pen any time soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2000
In reply to: mdwz
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 2:26pm

So I'm the BAD one.....


I sent DH's EX a wonderful Email congratulating her and the trashy boyfriend on their engagement,

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mdwz
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 4:53pm

Well, that was pretty much the

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2000
In reply to: mdwz
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 6:13pm

Shari I DO feel better.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mdwz
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 6:40pm

Then it's all good!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2000
In reply to: mdwz
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 7:15pm

Shari, I know he is going to put pressure (in his own way) on me to do the loan... I hope I can be strong enough to stick to it.