His family don't like me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
His family don't like me
5
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 6:25pm
My boyfriends family don't like me and we still want to be together and i don't know what to do? They had caught me and him messing around the first time i met his family. then they were cool with me after that and now we have been dating 9 months and during that time his family kept going back and forth saying they were cool with me one minute then start tripping the next. so they say im a bad influence on him. so now they told him to stay away from me but we still want to be together but his family won't let him be with me? i don't know what to do because i love him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 9:42am
It didn't sound like his family was completely closed to the idea of you two being together in the beginning, unless they were just trying to get him to give-up on you own his own. I guess I would ask if you have done things to influence him in ways contrary to their values. I'm not saying they're necessarily wrong, since I don't know what they are. However, it maybe would explain why they react the way they do.

I guess if you want to be with him, and his family features prominently in his life, you'll have to try to get along with them, too. You shouldn't have to completely change who you are, and maybe he doesn't want to be like them, either. However, for the sake of consideration and to keep the peace, I guess I would just say, don't flaunt the differences in their faces. Sometimes information is going to leak-out anyway, or maybe they just have it in for you, but I would do the best you can to get along peaceably with them. Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 2:53pm
::so now they told him to stay away from me but we still want to be together but his family won't let him be with me

What does he want? How old is he? If he's of age and wants to be with you and not living under their roof, they don't have much say in whether or not he sees you..... however, if he's still living under their roof, underage, then he short of lying, he needs to follow their rules.

You can try to get to know them better.... go to dinner at their house once a week - spend Sat or Sun afternoon with his family, as a family - not the two of you sneaking off to be alone. Watch movies as a family, follow their rules, behave, etc.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 2:47am
how old are you both?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 2:50pm
he is 18 and i'm 20. they basically don't like me because i'm black and he's mexican. and they also think i'm a bad influence because he is more focused on me than his other things in his life. he says it's b/c he clicks with me and that basically i'm like his best friend. they have given us lots of chances to be together. but his sister in law thought we left her kids by themselves to go do something. and that wasn't the case we were in the living room the whole time and we tried telling her that but she didn't believe us. cause i told his sister that i didn't want to do anything to mess things up for me and him. and she didn't care what i had to say. then we still kept talking behind her back and she found out like a couple of weeks ago and that was when she said for him to leave me alone. so the only way i have been able to talk to him is by him emailing me at school. and he didn't go last week, so i'm not sure if that is his way of telling it's over or he just couldn't go to class. b/c he is done with school but he tells his sister some excuse to go to class. we both care about each other very much. imean it's just something about him. and even his sister was like if u find something good don't let him go. but she broke us apart. i want to fight for him, but it's his family. it's hard for both of us because we don't get to see each other at all. and i've have been seening alot of his emotions come out. i don't know what to do could u help me out b/c i really do love him???


Edited 3/28/2004 3:59 pm ET ET by babykoolaid01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 3:35pm
It would be wrong for him to have to choose his girlfriend over his family, that wouldnt be fair for him. I'm sure he is under some pressure over what his family thinks of your relationship. I guess you might have to just wait and see how things play out. Just dont read to much into his actions: for ex. what you had said "and he didn't go last week, so i'm not sure if that is his way of telling it's over or he just couldn't go to class." Maybe he was just sick. I know its hard to not see someone who you love so much, but the but the best thing could be to just give it some time and space and see how things play out on their own. Don't worry if he loves you like you do him, he'll stay with you.