his family, him and me
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his family, him and me
| Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:24pm |
My b/f and I have been dating 3-1/2 years now. We've been living together for 3 of those years. For the first 2 years, I fit into his family perfectly. I had a falling out with one of them. She has a dominanting personality, is never wrong, and seems very vengeful and spiteful. She has managed to spread rumors about me to the entire family, who are extremely (almost abnormally) close. I have been excluded from family get-togethers, functions, etc. This has been going on for 1-1/2 years now and is getting worse. My b/f seems to have trouble balancing his family and our relationship. His family, mostly his brothers and their wives, have planned get togethers, parties, etc., he ends up going without me and lately has been coming home the next morning. How can I get his family to mind their own business and stay out of ours?

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You can't, only he can. He has to be the one to stand up for you and his relationship with you. He needs to tell them, 'she's in my life. If she's not invited, I won't be attending.'
Carrie
I'd agree that this is up to your boyfriend to clear up. Why does he go to these functions without you and not come back until the next day? Also, have you tried talking to the family members yourself? If so, what do they say?
They've disassociated from you for their own reasons and purposes.
It's simple..you're not included. Nothing you do will get you included. Because nothing you did got you included to begin with.
He's having to juggle priorities not choose - between a family that he has deep alliances, ties, bond, and emotional security with...and you - who he has spent less time with and invested less in than them.
He's going to them whenever he wants...and it just makes less sense to leave early enough to get home to you...whe he could sleep there and come home the next morning.
He's not choosing them over you - he's choosing them AND you. It's just that you and them don't get along or comingle so he is forced to juggle his time spent between the two oppositional parties.
But he's not choosing them over you...just as he didn't choose you over them.
The reality is..it'll be this way for a lifetime until either one of you ends the relationship with each other.....or until you and his family compromise and mend the rift.
But they're not "in your business". HE's choosing ot go to them because he has a bond with them...and he's choosing to be with you because he has a bond with you, as well. But because there is no harmony between these two parties - it requires him to be like a non-custodial parent of an infant - and travel daily across the city to see the child he loves...while living with a mate he also loves.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
You can't dismiss someone's family....even if they want to dismiss you. I don't think leaving you home is going to help matters much. If you didn't say anything wrong, then you shouldn't be punished for it. I know its easier to not go because frankly, who wants to be where they feel unwanted? But by you being with him (and him taking you) it shows you both support the relationship and each other.
Its great that he tells them how he feels about you - but it's his voice against a crowd. You should be apart of these discussions bescause I can garauntee when you aren't there, your stand point isn't even considered.
Edited 5/21/2004 9:11 am ET ET by ravenlocks22
I'm sorry there has to be so much stress with someone you love. I would focus on what you have together and perhaps try the best you can to get along with his family without being apart of any antics that may arise.
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