His family won't accept me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
His family won't accept me
3
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 9:52am
Hi,
I've been with a guy for 2 1/2 years. He's really great and we have been very happy together this whole time. His family, however, dislikes me only because I'm not from the same country. I know it sounds outdated and irrational, especially for a family that has been in the US for over 30 years but they still have a strong belief in maintaining their culture alive and think their son won't be able to do that if he is with someone from a different country. The funny thing is that as my boyfriend and I have gotten to know each other we have found out that our cultures are not so different (He's European, I'm Latin American just in case you were wondering). Still his family doesn't want to hear anything about our relationship, saying only that they have nothing against me, I'd be a nice girl to have as a friend but not to marry because then things won't work out. I know my boyfriend loves me but I know he loves his family also and I could never ask him to leave his family to be with me. I know it's unlikely his parents will change their mind about me and I just wonder if there is something I can do about this situation. We feel we're meant for each other but when holidays come around I have to step aside so he can celebrate w his family (although he does try to spend some holidays with me). His father is very controlling and has abused him psychologically for years so I know it's hard for my boyfriend to stand up to him..I try to be supportive because I can see he loves me. What can I do? We both agree we're perfect together and this his family not accepting me is really our only major problem? How can we make this work? We don't want this to ruin our relationship...Thanks for your advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 12:59pm

wow...2 1/2 years & they still wont just accept you!
what does he say about it.. does he talk to them about you or at least stand up for you.
have you actually met any of his family members that do like you because of who you are? or are they all against you. this is a really awkward situation.
i can relate... my recently ex bfs family didnt like me.. im african american & cuban. he was filipino & african american. his family were all full filipino, he is the ONLY one mixed with black..so theyre beliefs, especially the grandma . told him that black girls are lazy & dont like to cook & clean...they told him to marry a asian girl, white or mexican. so of course, i never went around the family, except his aunts & younger cousins & brothers. they loved me, but i never met his mom or grandma and we were together 2 years.

well goodluck,
naleiya

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:36am
Hi,
Thanks for replying...Well, his parents completely avoid the subject, they really don't want to hear about it. They've only spoken about the situation once or twice to ask him to leave me and look for someone else. My bf tells them he loves me and that I'm a great girl who makes him happy but I guess they don't really care if we're happy. I've seen his father only once (before he found out about the relationship) and we have run into his mother a few times and she says hi and talks a little bit...I guess it's his father that's the real problem although I know his mother is not thrilled to have me as her son's girlfriend, even when she tries not to be rude. I've also met a couple of his friend and I know they don't have a problem w our relationship so I hope that gives my bf some support and encourages him to stay w me. I know my bf's aunt has talked her brother (my bf's father) into allowing him to have a relationship with me, even though she doesn't know me she feels he should be entitled to date whomever he wants. It is an awkward situation and sometimes I feel like I should walk away but we love each other and I'm hoping that things will eventually change if his parents see that we're for real and at least give me a chance to show them I'm a good person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 1:49pm
I have been in the same situation for 5yrs and 3 months....my boyfriend's mother refuses to change her mind about me even though she was ok with me when we were just friends...it sucks..