His flirting high school sweetheart ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
His flirting high school sweetheart ....
4
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 9:34am
I hope someone can give me some advice. Please read -

I am in a rather awkward position. My husband, who I have been happily married to for 11 years, occasionally recieves emails and phone calls from an old girlfriend - his high school sweet-heart for five years. She was his first everything. He even thought she was the girl he would marry until she broke it off with him while he was away at college. Needless to say, she broke his heart. Still, they have maintained a friendly relationship over the years. My problem isn't that they maintain contact, but rather that there is much flirting on her part. He insists that it's all fun and games, but gushes like a little schoolboy after he recieves one of her emails. He says that she isn't a threat, but admits that he enjoys the way she compliments him.



She recently emailed after seeing him at a high school reunion, telling him that she hopes he wears shorter shorts to the next reunion so that she can catch a glimpse of his quads. She also refers to him as "my dear". My husband says that this is "just her flirty way", but I'm not so sure. She even sent him little care packages while he was away in Iraq, something my husband never mentioned until he came home. During a recent phone call she mentioned that she had run across an old picture that she had of him nude, which I thought was strange. In the past the two have even suggested teaming up to run marathon's together, as well as her coming to visit us in another state. I just don't feel comfortable hanging out with his old girlfriend even if her family would be tagging along and I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with them being alone together because of her "flirty way". If I felt that she were "just a friend" I think I could put up with their desire to maintain a bond. It's the flirtation that continues to bother me. Should I say something to him or his ex or am I being ridiculous?



~Annoyed

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:20pm

I would call her and invite her over for a friendly dinner...this way, she not only sees that if she plans to cntinue her "freindship" with your husband, she will have no choice but to include you

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:25pm
How sad that you husband by not telling her to stop (because he loves the attention) has invited her (by not setting a boundary) to continue her flirty ways. He's playing with fire, in some way leading her on even.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:30pm
It isn't her flirty ways that bothers you. It is him encouraging her flirting that bothers you and I don't blame you. If he told her to stop then this wouldn't be an issue. I think you need to have a serious talk about what is going on with 'the girl that got away'.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:12pm
You are being smart by questioning this relationship. There is a web site that deals with the attraction between first loves http://www.lostlovers.com. He may not realize the potential danger in just catching up with an "old friend". If he is going to insist on maintaining a friendship with her, I would want to have a discussion about expectations. Please visit the web site before you let this person into your life. Your intuition is probably right. Even if your husband doesn't know it.