his major job change vs. relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
his major job change vs. relationship
4
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:56pm
I'm confused and really desperate for unbiased advice. My boyfriend of 4 months just bought a business, a bar actually. He just took over ownership on Jan. 1 and these past weeks leading up to this have been extremly hard. He's completely preoccupied and overwhelmed. A few weeks ago, before Christmas, we had a tearful discussion; he told me he didn't think he could be my boyfriend anymore because he thought he couldn't give enough. Now i feel like he's TRYING not to give ANYTHING. He doesn't answer my phone calls, makes no time for me, doesn't touch me the way he used to, but all the same never says "i want to break up with you" All the signs point that direction though, don't they? Some friends tell me to just leave him alone for a few days and see if he notices, others say i should just confront him now and tell him how hurt and neglected i feel. More than anything, I just want to stick by him and be supportive.

WHAT DO I DO!?!?! HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 5:12pm
he says he can't give enough, and maybe you did something to make him feel that way? i am not trying to blame you, i have done the samething. when guys are preoccupied they tend to give less, and when we get upset we tend to blame them, so they feel rejected and not good enough, that maybe what he gives isn't enough. well in this case it isn't, but did you try and talk to him that you can understand his need for work, but you want to spend time with him too in a respectful way? be sincere and be sensitive to his feelings. if he knows that you want him there, and he can fulfill you, then maybe he'll be more motivated. just a suggestion though. good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 6:48pm

It sounds like he has alot going on in his life and feels that you deserve more than he can give you at this point, not that he doesnt want to be with you....maybe he just knows he shouldnt right now.As hard as it may be, try not to take it personnal and know that you can only be there for someone if they allow you in their lives.Rightnow, It sounds like hes trying his best to shut you out. Not because hes heartless, but because everyone tries to get byafter something like this happens a litle differently. At the same time, you deserve to nkow whats going on, so ask him upfront.also, be prepared to hear an answer you may not wanna hear. Know too that you deserve someone who has the time to give to you and the relationship, and if he doesnt have that right now, that you deserve someone who does.


Love and luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 7:21pm
The guy's probably overwhelmed and scared. (re: buying bar) For Heaven's

sake, don't nag and push him. The last thing he needs right now is an on-

going battle with the girlfriend. Cool it. Did you ever think about helping

him out in the bar? What better way to show your support?
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 7:48pm
Maybe the timing just isn't right. It happens. I'd back off for awhile, date other guys, do whatever it is that you do and see what happens. Stop by his bar once in awhile to have a drink. Maybe once things even out with his new bar he will have time for dating again and it will work out between you.