His mother, his ex, & his baby mama

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
His mother, his ex, & his baby mama
5
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:53pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for five months but I've known him for three years. During those three years we've lost contact with each other. We started dating in February and been together since. Every since then I've had problems with his ex girlfriend, phone calls mostly. Now that he's in jail the ex girlfriend and I have exchanged words to the point where we almost had a fight. Before that I've changed my number twice. Some how the ex girlfriend got my number: thats when we got into a big argument and almost had a fight. Im thinking his mother gave the ex girlfriend my number and now his baby's mother has my number. And she is calling me saying that he told her "blah blah blah" so i can get mad at him so we can break up. But I always confront him about it. We have open communication so I know he's being honest with me. Im thinking his mother is the major source of my problem with the ex girlfriend and his baby's mother. For one she has us all going to visit him in jail on certain days. I go on Mon & Wed, the baby's mother goes on Tues,Fri, & Sat and the ex goes on Thurs & Sun. Which is being really disrespectful to me. I don't know how to tell him about his mother. He knows about the set scheduling. But now I suspect the baby's mother and the ex has teamed up to get rid of me or break us up. I really don't know what to do. I love him and he loves me but I don't want to look stupid. At one point I had stopped visiting him and he thought I'd left him. Thats one thing I don't want to do because we're good together, he respects me and treats me like a queen. Others have told me to just stop going to visit until he gets out and get his drama under control. But I don't want him to feel as if I've abandoned him. The baby's mother takes his little girl to see him so I have no problem with that or her for the matter. But the ex girlfriend has no business or right to be up there. If she's an ex she needs to stay an ex because it's very disrespectful to me. What should I do? Leave, stay or part until he gets out and gets his s**t together? Im so confused! And he's a good person with a good heart. He gets released next month. Mind you I didn't have this big of a problem before he went to jail. Everything was under control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 12:46am
I'm going to put it very simply: you need to change the people you associate with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:15am

I have to agree with eggbertshootfire. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but I think it may be your best solution. He may be good to you, but from the sounds of it, you can do ALOT better.

If you are really committed, then I say that you should go see him and explain that you will not be back until the drama ends. If and when he calms things down between his mother, his daughter's mother, and his ex-girlfriend, then you will come to see him again. And, I think that you need to put a firm foot down on the ex. If it were me, I would not allow that. If your BF loves you as much as you love him, the letting her go shouldnt be an issue.

Hope that helps :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:36am

This guy knocked up a woman and has a baby out of wedlock.

This guy has a psycho ex girlfriend who's stalking you.

This guy is presently incarcerated.

You can't possibly think that there's a real future with this guy, can you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:50am

Welcome to the board janae_8388,


Even before I read what everyone else wrote, just reading the title of your post made me think: "There are too many people in your relationship"


You have to decide if you can wait this out. However, you can't control what all these other people do, but you can control your reaction to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 12:48pm

You've already had great advice so I won't echo that. But I will note something: you say you don't want to end up looking stupid. I suspect the reason you wrote that, is that you are looking at these other women thinking, "I don't want to end up like that!" Picture yourself w/a beautiful daughter...that you have to raise by yourself...and have to head over to the jail w/3x a week so she can see her father. Would that be the type of environment you'd want to raise a child in? Is that the type of father you would want them to see & learn from? You sound like an intelligent woman so I'm sure you see the problem with that. Whatever "good heart" or other attributes this man has, he has NOT got his life together. He is a mess up. That means his life is messy...and if you spend alot of time with him, your life will become messy too. You'll wonder why everything is complicated & difficult...remember this is if you stay: it does NOT have to be complicated/difficult/full of drama. Of course, that kind of life can become addictive as well - bc its full of highs and lows. So be careful!

Good luck,
Dee