His opinion about 'age of consent' is devastating me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012
His opinion about 'age of consent' is devastating me.
19
Mon, 01-23-2012 - 12:37pm

Recently an issue between my boyfriend and I has threatened to break us apart.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012

I have to be honest and say I don't quite understand why you feel so strongly about this. Maybe because I dated a 20-year old when I was 16. I feel it all depends on the individuals. I was quite mature for my age and we had a beautiful 5 year long relationship. He was (luckily for me) very respectful and taught me many wonderful things, including how to enjoy my own body and sexuality. My mother was initially guarded about our age difference, but once she spent more time with him she was actually relieved that I was dating and spending my time with him rather than partying every weekend with my girlfriends who were busy making out with different guys, drinking and testing their teenage wings in every way possible. I could talk to my

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012

Thanks Finesse67 for your take on the issue.
You are right about learning to disagree. But, I believe that my own experiences, and the experiences I see the teenagers I work with go through, really pepper my opinion on this issue. That is why I feel strongly about it. You see, I see more bad than good (as your case and experience was).
I don't know, I just feel that in today's age people's intentions are not as honorable and innocent --as they might have been decades ago. I find that girls are trying to be adults too soon and suffering in the long run.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2012
Lin- I agree with you. As an adult I KNOW that at 16, I wasn't emotionally equipped for adult relationships. But at 16, I swore I was. When you "grow up" this is obvious. I would seriously question the judgement of a grown man who can't see it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010

This reminds me of my niece and her husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Lin,

I think your personal experience through working with teenagers maybe clouding your ability to consider his perspective.

You have personally seen what a troubled situation can fester into,which has heavily influenced your opinion. Your BF does not have that same background to develop his opinion from.

And I would venture a guess that he was just sharing an opinion. And in the long run this is not a subject he would necessarily put much thought into, otherwise.

An example from my marriage would be my opinions of what to do when one of kids is sick, compared to my husbands. He feels I am too protective and worry too much. But he also isnt the one to actively care for our kids when they are sick. So he isnt fully aware of exactly what I have experienced. It irritates me a bit that he does show more concern, but at the same time he hasnt had to. So I can not expect him to agree with my personal opinion. I do,however, expect him to respect my opinion given that I am the one who does actively care for the kids when they are sick.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Argh. I wasnt done. Lol. Please forgive me. I am mobile.

I would not consider my husband any less of a man because his opinion differs. Mainly because my opinion would probably differ if I didnt have the experiences that I have. Does that make sense.

I dont think your BF is a pervert for his current opinion. I think he just has a different experience or a lack of experience involving the subject in which you two disagree.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I have 2 kids--a 16 yr old boy & a 22 yr old girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

May I suggest you look at the big picture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012

Izzyandalexmommy,

Thanks you showing me that aspect of it.

Yes, I can definitely see it as a problem of experience and him being naive to that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012
I totally understand that kids will be kids and can do whatever they please. But, in my opinion, kids should experiment with kids their own age and not mature 21 year old adults. I am not saying that 16 year olds should not explore their sexuality and develop relationships; it's just that, to me, that is not the role for a a 21 year old to take part of.

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