his secret email account

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
his secret email account
10
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 9:09am

please help me -- should I send this email to my husband?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:23pm

Welcome to the board gardenergirl44,


Yes I think you should send this email to your husband. Obviously, this is something that is causing you a lot of stress and pain and that you need and deserve to know the answers to. Please send it to him. I don't believe that spouses should keep secrets from each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:25pm

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply.


I

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 1:41pm
I have way too many email accounts and my husband doesn't know a single password. I would be very resentful of him being privy to reading my private emails from my family, colleagues, friends and exes. It's just like regular mail. I don't read his and he doesn't read mine, unless there is a specific invitation. I don't have anything to hide, but it's like going into someone's journal. There are things you say to friends that you don't say to your spouse and sometimes it's not even about your partner or relationship.
But you don't feel that way. You are very concerned about this account and maybe there is something to what your gut is telling you. I don't know if you've been cheated on in the past and you're bringing in that baggage into your marriage or what, but I think it's important to address your insecurities with him. You have to talk about it from the point of view that you have a problem with insecurity. You can ask him to help you around it. Talk about you, you, you. I think that you do that, but those bits of I'm not accusing you, you yourself have said that you keep things from me to protect me, etc. Those are accusations. Stick to your topic of your insecurities. If he's empathetic, he's going to ask you how he can help.
I would not send this email to him. I would sit and talk to him about it face to face.
Keep us posted and good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 1:52pm

He used the account to solicit a prostitute for anal sex before we were married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 6:11pm

Welcome to the board gardenergirll44,


After this reply, I would say don't send that email as it is full of anguish. Instead try to bring it up in a light way, 'hey remember that account?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 11:47am

I like Itwinflame's suggestion...keep it light.

I'm curious about something though...was he using something like yahoo? My experience with those accounts is that if it's inactive for a time period you have to go through a lot of hoops to reactivate them. I know that I have some I created that I haven't looked at for years. I've never bothered to go back and cancel those accounts; I simply stopped using them. I've been in a committed relationship for years and I was still getting updates on some dating site I used. I couldn't figure out how to get them to quit updating me in spite of being inactive for years. They just were in my junk mail.
Do you know if his is (in)active or is the idea that it exists that's bothering you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2008
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 12:04pm

Its active alright.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 2:02pm
Knowing what the email account was used for...I can see why it bothers you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 3:16pm
Now knowing what the account has been used for and the fact that it has been active, well I agree with snafu, you've got more problems than just a secret account.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 3:14pm
You may be satisfying him sexually...but you are his wife, his intimate friend. Prostitutes could be an interest he has that you can't satisfy...a stranger, the risk, etc. I don't think that it matters that you are willing to perform the same acts...if he's into prostitutes I find it hard to believe that he'd just quit because he was married. There are plenty of women into anal sex so for him to say that he only solicited prostitutes for this reason sounds dumb to me to begin with. Still, it is confusing that you're in charge of the money and you think it's all accounted for. Bottom line is that your intuition is riled up...trust your gut.
Keep us posted.