IS THIS HIS WAY OF BREAKING UP??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
IS THIS HIS WAY OF BREAKING UP??
3
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 12:22am
Hi my name is Marsha and I have been seeing this guy since Easter. It has been a very casual relationship in the sense that whenever I would ask him which direction our relationship was going he could never answer me, and yet when I brought it up later on he replied "i thought we discussed this already"meaning we are together. So it has never been oficially said that we are an item, but we did stuff a couple does together. One night we had a conversation and he made the comment "i have the tendancy of breaking girl's hearts...so dont get too attached"I was offended and suggested that we break up if that was the case, but he did not want to and went back and said eventually one of us would get hurt becuase we are so young. so ever since that comment I have been weary..plus he told me about a story of how he was quite busy with his job and ended up hurting a girl's feelings, because he did not call her for two weeks and did not feel the same for her just when she started to feel more for him...I am assuming attachment scares him, so I have been very cool, calm and reserved with him. He actually landed a job as a campaign manager which is very demanding and which also means he works half an hour away from 6 am till 12 at night each day pretty much. I had no idea that he landed the job at first and it wasnt until I spoke to his roomate which is also my friend, that I found out he got the job...So I freaked out because he did not call me for three days and when he tried the reception was so bad...we eventually saw each other which was last sunday and it was very brief cause he was so exhuasted...It is now friday and I have not recievd a phone call never mind seen him. I know that there is no reception on his cell phone and that he does not like to use the office phone, because it is long distance, and now that he is staying in a motel instead of driving home every night it also means that he does not call when he enters my city, where the reception is better. I think that if a guy likes a girl he will call her or contact her no matter what! Is he blowing me off???
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 5:14am
You have to remain cool. Guys do this in the beginning because they are thinking and they need time to miss you. If you push it now you will have nothing.

I think he is not really ready for a serious relationship because of a few things:

1) he indicated that he feels he is not ready because you are both so young and because he has failed before

2) he is working far away and is tired

I think you should focus more on yourself and date other people. If it is meant to be it will be. But there is nothing you can do to make it meant to be.

Keep your head up and be strong. You will make it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 10:50am
I believe this guy is not ready for a relationship with anyone and he knows it and has been honest about telling you so by the conversations he has had with you when you asked him. He may just want to date you, enjoy his time with you but you must know that it sounds like when it is convenient for him.

If he really wanted to call he could somehow, I think you know this yourself! Or he could email, some form of contact.

I don't believe a person has to be in constant contact even when one is in a relationship but often enough to know that person is thinking of you and missing you. That is just me talking here since I do have an independent nature. They guy I am with (should say was) felt I should call more then once a day but when it came to him being gone sometimes he wouldn't, double standard on his part.

Good Luck! Go out have fun! and if it is meant to be it will if that is what he decides. You can't do anything about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 12:50pm
I don't know if he is afraid of attachment. He just isn't ready. He doesn't want it and although his way of telling you was a little round-about he has been pretty clear about his priorities in life.

'I think that if a guy likes a girl he will call her or contact her no matter what!'

He likes you but does not want the responsibility of a relationship-of having to check in. You do deserve an explanation of what exactly he wants. Unfortunately you may not get it.

Please don't wait around for the phone to ring. Get out and date others and have fun.