hitting rock bottom
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| Mon, 04-05-2004 - 4:04pm |
it's been 2 weeks since we are broken up. the first week i left him alone, ignored him if i had to, deleted his screenname from AIM. it was hard b/c i loved him still. then the 2nd week he started talking to me, and did a bunch stuff that was hinting to me that he wanted me back. his friend even said he did. then last night i found out that he's going to prom with his ex-girlfriend. i was upset, but i know i shouldn't be b/c im going to prom with someone else too. but the fact that i got my hopes up about him coming back to me, and now my bubble is burst.
i had to ask him whats going on. he's been saying for a week that he needed to talk to me. then he tells me he wanted to talk to me about career stuff... totally not what i expected because i thought he wanted me back. so last night i asked him for a closure. i wanted to say he doesn't want me back and it's over for good so i can move on with my life. i didn't want to wonder every day if i was ever going to kiss him again or hear him say "i love you". seeing that i was upset, he said, "nancy, we were together for 10 months. you have my heart. theres no one else, and im not even gonna try to replace you. you were perfect in every way. smart, beautiful, get you in trouble sometimes... funny, compassionate, but i just don't wanna be tied down right now. i just wanna be friends, is that ok?"
i said no. i told him i couldn't be friends right now. its just too much to ask for, because right now when i look at him im always wondering if he feels the same. i just need to get away and move on. maybe one day we'll be friends.
even though it hurts like hell right now, and i think i've just hit the rock bottom, i think i did the right thing. i need to heal on my own, away from him. once you hit the bottom, the only way is up anyway. any similiar situations? any advices? i need some support right now because this sh*t hurts.

That doesn't diminish your desire for that type of relationship, and it doesn't mean that you can't hve or aren't worthy of that type of relationship...but for right now, this guy is not ready for that.
So, you accept that what you want out of life in terms of parnter, HE will never be that person...and then you continue making a great life for yourself nd you'll find someone who does want what you want eventually and while you're doing it - you'll have a great life that you wouldn't trade living.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I have been there sweetie, and I know it takes some swallowing of your tears to get through the days to begin with. When my bf and I broke up last year, at this time, I cried every day of the 18 days we were apart. I spent days sitting at my desk just fighting back the tears...sometimes i had to leave the office. We had no contact - (we are in our 30s). But I missed him so!!! He finally contacted me through im online and took me out for coffee that night - and he never left again after that night. But he did "date" and sleep with another women during those 18 days we were apart (i had ask him to move out). I still have to suck that one up every now and then - it just makes me so sad.
As far as being friends...I never got why we all have to be friends..????? You are in love with someone and you go from being together to not together. You cannot suddenly JUST be friends. So, take your time. Explain to him that YOU need YOUR space right now. Maybe sometime in the future when your not so raw, you two can be friends. Thats what you need too...space and time. Take it for yourself.
I am glad to read that your ex is being mature and respectable about this. Although you two were together for 10 months, he could have held out for a lot longer before telling you he wasnt ready to be tied down... it happens.
Treat yourself to something new or something fun. Sleep in, take a bath, read a horror story (not a love story!!!) whatever picks up your spirits right now. Make it all about YOU.
Take Care, I wish you well
PlayNICE
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.
yes i think that day was perhaps the worst day... but today, 2 days later, i am feeling better. i guess the idea that he's not the one, or he's not gonna be ready for me, yet i deserve so much more, is sinking in. i have ignored him, avoided him, doing everything i can to get him off my mind. i can't make sense out of it. i mean what you said are exactly like my situation - and even though it makes sense logically, it just doesn't freakin' make sense in my heart. his gentle words hurts, and his logical reasons confuses me. i don't expect anything else. i just wanna get away from him. well spring break is coming up soon and i'll be going away, so hopefully that'll help me to deal with it. oh and thank god the prom he is going to isn't the same prom im going to.
he is a good person. i'd like to be friends with him, one day, but now i just can't. even the mentioning of his name makes me upset. i need time and space just as well as he does, so i can heal. and he doesn't wanna be tied down to me - well i don't want to be tied down to THAT. that's not how i want a relationship to be, and though it hurts, i've recognized that and hopefully it'll give me enough courage to move on. he wants to go to prom with some girl he doesn't have to feel obligated to - well, i guess im just too much of a woman for him. im moving on to better things. find myself, etc. so maybe this isn't the worst thing that could happen.
thank you again. your support is really encouraging.
-nancy
My thoughts are with you!
Oh and you also said "and even though it makes sense logically, it just doesn't freakin' make sense in my heart." Well hon...I don't think it's supposed to make sense. It never has and it never will (check the books, love is as much of a mystery as the human brain...all the research in the world will never reveal the riddle that is love). That's why the phrase "LOVE HURTS" was coined. :) Best of luck and enjoy the prom...(K.I.T) Crystal (1sweetnopichick)
well last night i went over to his house because i had to give him his bday presents. i meant to make it fast but we started talking... he then invited me in to show me his basement (it's now fixed and he's ready to move down to the basement). we've talked about many things... everything except about us. finally, since he doesn't know that i knew he was going to prom with his ex, i just wanted to rub it in his face, i said "hey have fun at prom". hehe. he looked at me and said he didn't really want to go, but he'd go to see some of his old friends. then he asked if i was going to our school's prom. i said i don't know yet. he said why? and i told him i don't have anyone to go with yet. he said
"well you know we could still go together if you want". i agreed. i wanted to go, and i've always wanted to go with him.
but... there's a problem. he hugged me twice and our cheeks touched. i KNOW i still have strong feelings for this guy. I ALSO know that he still doesn't want to be tied down. if we ended up going to prom together, i'd be holding him, wanting him back, wanting him more than he's willing to offer... i would miss him, and yet we would not be... there wouldn't be a future. that would hurt me like hell again, and it would even be harder for me to move on.
today another guy from school asked me to prom. he's funny and fun, and i don't have hard feelings for him... as i do with my ex. and i told him i would give him an answer in a week. then i wrote a note to my ex telling him why i can't go to prom with him (cuz it would be hard for me to move on... etc as i have explained earlier). im sure he's read the note but he hasn't said anything yet. well i think im going to prom with the new guy... and i hope im doing the right thing. i know i am. just please... any advices would be appreciated. thanks!
I know where you are - you are tryign to recapture a past that is long gone. You are caught between a dream that you want to be real and the reality that is. Its ok to feel sadness but the longer you look back, the longer it will take you to move forward. Dreams are ok - but they can keep you from living in the here and now. and NOW is the only time you have so now is where you should be living.
If contact with him hurts you, then do not do it. That is simple enough. Being without him hurts but being with someone who doesn't love is more so. Do what hurts you the least. Eventually, you will be happy again and you will have learned some valuable lessons from the ordeal. Keep your eyes on your happy future, not your sad past.
Best wishes.
Toni
I am 24 and have gone through a relationship that was very similar in the same time of my life as you. It is so hard to deal with being heartbroken! Really what helped me was just time going by. My b/f and I at the time we broke up was before prom, we had been together for 2 years(I broke up w/him 1yr into the relationship cause I needed space and we got back together in a few months time)we had planned to go to prom together since we started dating. He had broken up with me...wanted his space, didnt want to be tied down. We did go to the same prom. I took a really popular hot guy that graduated the year before and they were on the same football team...LOL. It was really hard to see him there and then we graduated shortly after. I got a new job in the real world and when I started thinking about dating this guy I worked with, my ex(this is about 1yr after we split up)came to my work and told me he loved me and wanted to be with me and he couldnt stop thinking about me etc. Well, for me the best feeling was being able to release him and say, Im sorry, you had your chance, your a different person now and, No! That other guy I was thinking about, we started dating and now 6 years later we have been togther ever since and are now married.
You change a lot from when you are in high school. THe best advice I can give you is to not be friends(we tried that for a while)it hardly ever works out for the one who was broken hearted. Find new things to do with your time, meet new friends, go shopping, excersize, anything to keep you busy and to help your heart heal. It takes time, sometimes a lot of time, and I know it seems that it is unbearable, but eventually it will get so much better. Who knows, you guys could meet up a few years from now and if its the right timing could really be together again, and you both be so much better. Hope this helped some, you can e-mail me anytime you want to vent or need someone to talk too. Tennysmiles@msn.com
Hugs, hang in there, it will get easier!! :)
Anyway, to make a long story short, what you're doing is right. Follow your instincts. And if you need a support system I'm here :) (I will be with you soon as I need to have the where-do-we-stand talk again....for the 2nd time).