Hmmmm...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Hmmmm...
2
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 11:05pm
I am a 26-year-old female in a relatively new, but intense, relationship. We’ve hit the six-month mark. My guy is 35 and was born overseas. He seems to have close ties to his immediate family, mom, dad and siblings. I haven't met them. One of his siblings is ill. The sickness has been a drawn out sort of thing, but she’s getting much worse now. In the last couple of months he has been home to visit twice. And now this is month three and he is panning yet another visit. This time however he’s talking about staying on for as long as he’s needed. It will be weeks as much as a month.

When I tally up the time he’s been gone in the past it’s really not that significant. But this time is much worse; his refusal to put a timeline on his stay makes me feel irrelevant to him. I am hurt that I don’t seem to factor at all into any of the decisions he’s making either practically (the length of his stay) or emotionally (there have been no i'll miss yous).

The pain here is also compounded because I can’t very well start ranting about his family or his dedication to them. I guess my question is do I even have a right to these feelings? My own family is not close and quite dysfunctional could it be that I just don’t realize how things are supposed to work? Am I expecting more from him then I should at this point? And looking toward our future is this whole thing just a bad sign?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: girlville
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 1:54pm
You feel what you feel...but if he's that close to his family, they are important to him, I'm sure he could use some support. Just because his time is short right now, doesn't mean that he won't have time for you later or that you are unimportant to him, though that is what it feels like to you right this moment.

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: girlville
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 3:11pm

Everyone has a right to feel the way that they do.What you do with those feelings is the key. It's understandable that you feel left out or neglected, but its not okay to corner your bf into feeling guilty for being there for his family intheir time of need. If anything i would take it as a sign that if you ever had a family of your won with this man, he would be just as dedicated.


Try to be understanding.This is about wanting to be away fromyou, but wanting to be with his sibling.