home for the holidays?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
home for the holidays?
1
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 2:34pm

I have a little bit of a dilemma. I am trying to decide whether to go home to my parents for the holidays or to stay where I live with my boyfriend for Christmas (three hours away from my parents home).

My family is a bit of a mess right now, my parents are about to get a divorce after 35 years together and my grandparents (my fathers parents) have been sick and in and out of the hospital for months. This sounds strange but my grandparents are what is tearing my family apart and has driven my mother to alcoholism which my father just makes worse by buying her cases of wine. I am a 21 year old college student on winter break and I am trying to decide whether to go home or not. Usually Christmas is a fun time for my family, we get a tree, put lights up and cook a huge Christmas brunch together on Christmas day. We have a few cousins over and open some presents, and spend the whole day together, its usually a pretty typical family day. This year, my older sister is not going home for Christmas because she can't stand my parents fighting and my mothers drinking. My parents are not getting a tree or cooking or getting any presents for anyone this year, which is understandable since they are not really in high spirits, but it just does not feel like Christmas. Being in the same house as everyone who is in such a bad mood and constantly fighting just seems depressing to me. I have not gone home to visit my parents in five months, its just too depressing.

My boyfriends family is wonderful, they have a huge family and they took me in for Thanksgiving and all their birthday, weddings and other holidays and I have really loved spending time with them. I feel however, that Christmas is so much about family that I dont want to seem like a "mooch" or something where I am always at all their family gatherings. I know my boyfriends family would be happy to have me celebrate Christmas with them and so would my boyfriend, but to be honest, I am embarrased, I feel like I am crashing all their holidays, I am at every single family gathering and I can't bring my boyfriend to my family gatherings because 1) we have none and 2) i dont really want my boyfriend to have to deal with my falling apart family.

I am thinking I may just stay with my boyfriend but let him go celebrate with his family while I stay at our house with our dogs. I dont know if that is a good idea or not, would I offend his family by not going? Or would I really devistate my own family? Everyone is supportive of whatever decision i make, I think, but I am just so stuck. I dont know what is the right thing to do. I know it probably sounds like I am ditching my own family but it is just so hard to be around my parents when everything turns into an argument about my sick grandparents. Any ideas? I am beyond confused. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 3:43pm

"I offend his family by not going? Or would I really devistate my own family?"


Why not ask the appropriate people this question, respect them enough to believe their answers and then base your decision on that and your desire to have a happy Xmas.