Is this hopeless ???
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 05-01-2007 - 11:51am |
I am 23 years old and my guy is 26- we've been together for 5 years. It started out very fast, we were inseperable and I'd say he was more into me than I was into him in the beginning - he proposed after 1 year and I reluctantly accepted. Anyway, just to keep it short - the years went on, i was in school and working, he was working - we fought alot over petty things but most was fine and we seemed to always work everything out. I should mention that we were both into smoking weed (heavily) over the years but for the past 2 years I have been pushing him to stop but he's been having a hard time with it. At one time I broke it off over this and he told his parents aout his problem so I thought ok now things will get better. But they haven't. I completely stopped about 4 months ago and he keeps promising that he will too but it hasn't been happening-- I let it fly for awhile but it bothers me too much-- when we were both doing it it was ok but now that I'm not it just makes me mad--- it's like he's stuck in that immature phase. And I understand from time to time, but he does it everyday. Lately he's been telling me that he stopped and I only see him do it like once a week or so-- but I know he's lying cuz I can tell when he's high and when I confront him about it he denies it and calls me crazy... then when I get him to admit, he says "so what..its just a little pot its not like im shooting heroin" and that i should relax. On top of that, I have been pushing for us to finally move out instead of staying with my mother or his parents and he agrees but he's not saving any money - like he wants to do all the things I want like buy a place and stuff but its like he thinks it'll just magically appear without him having to sacrifice anything (ie save money, etc). Instead, he blows all his money on hooking up his car, buying weed, and recently bought xbox 360. Recently I mentioned us going on vacation and we started planning, but then he says he's short on cash and I made a big deal out of it sayign that he seems to have money for other things but not for when it involves me... and he said if i really want i can go without him! BTW, we almost never go out anywhere. I also make more than him and often when I bring up the above issues he just tells me that I think that he doesnt make enough and he feels like a loser - but I tell him him its not how much he makes its what he chooses to blow his money on- he's not 15 its time to be a little more mature. Most times, his mother has to remind him that a bill is due (liek his car insurance or whatever... wtf is that?) Last time he said I'm putting too much pressure on him with the vacation, buying a place, stopping to smoke weed, stopping to hook up his car and other money issues. But I feel like he's acting like a 16 year old boy.... Am I wrong? Another thing is our sex life cooled down--- maybe 1-2 times a month.. it was never alot with him cuz I think he has a low libido-- not a very sexual person, kinda rigid in bed but still it has cooled down lately and i told him about it and still nothing; we fight alot lately as well and say mean stuff to eachother all the time mostly because i am so frustrated over all of the above and he doesnt understand why i just cant accept things the way they are...
I have been having crying episodes lately where I just burst into tears and cry for like an hour straight. He knows all this ...
I spent 5 years with him and I love him dearly.. he is a great guy besides the obvious and still wants to marry me, but I just don't see how I will be able to put up with it if this is how things will be all the time.
I would understand if he was 18, 19 maybe 20... but he's 26--- he should be a little more mature I'd think...
Any input highly appreciated.
Thanks.

Welcome to the board sfgirl123,
It sounds like your bf hasn't learned how to responsible for himself and his money. I.e. is mom reminds him to pay his bills and he blows his money on lots of things instead of saving it. It just seems
glitter-graphics.com
The thing is, I spent 5 years with this guy---every day and every night... we're like family pretty much. I can't just walk away-- ideally, I'd want to know how things can be resolved and can they....
glitter-graphics.com