How to ask for another try?
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How to ask for another try?
| Tue, 01-13-2004 - 3:05pm |
Well, I´m back at this board once again. My bf of 3 years was acting a little distant and I was giving him time. Yesterday we met and talk, he said that 2003 wasnt a good year for our relationship andthat he didnt want to continue like that, i agreed. He said he love me, and that I was the best thing that have ever happen to him but that he would rather broke up now that we still care about each other and leave it like the best thing that happen (the memory) than breaking up later hating each other. He said that something was lost in our relationship (i agree) that it´s just that, because besides that we have fun togewher, get along great and care about each other a lot. He also said that it hurts him to make this dicition now (my whole family left to live in another country)... He also said that he wanted to still see me and cook me and take care of me because he enjoy that.
That he was always thinking about the future with me thinking we would get past any problems we had, but neglected the present.
He said I deserved so much better than him...
I´m kind of sad, not soo devastetad because I saw it coming, but sad anyways. The things that are haunting me the most is that I´m loosing this friend that was always with me for the last 3 years; another thing is the thought of him living the single life, dating and stuff, because that would break my heart and dont know why but that my biggest fear I even dreamt about it last night (like a nightmare).
I´m pretty consious that some magic was lost in this years, and with this fights and stuff, I want that magic. But I also want him, my friend, my companion, specially now with this changed, I need to know I can still count on him.
Yesterday I was pretty cold, because if I wasnt I was going to break down, but today I sent him a post card expresing my feelings. And I´m also scare he would not answer...
It´s like, we have been apart so many times and always came back together that I have this hope. And know some of this pain has to do with him not being able to stay by me durimg this awfull time .
I want to ask another try?! To start fresh, that we will find that missing thing. But I dont want to push either. What should I do?
That he was always thinking about the future with me thinking we would get past any problems we had, but neglected the present.
He said I deserved so much better than him...
I´m kind of sad, not soo devastetad because I saw it coming, but sad anyways. The things that are haunting me the most is that I´m loosing this friend that was always with me for the last 3 years; another thing is the thought of him living the single life, dating and stuff, because that would break my heart and dont know why but that my biggest fear I even dreamt about it last night (like a nightmare).
I´m pretty consious that some magic was lost in this years, and with this fights and stuff, I want that magic. But I also want him, my friend, my companion, specially now with this changed, I need to know I can still count on him.
Yesterday I was pretty cold, because if I wasnt I was going to break down, but today I sent him a post card expresing my feelings. And I´m also scare he would not answer...
It´s like, we have been apart so many times and always came back together that I have this hope. And know some of this pain has to do with him not being able to stay by me durimg this awfull time .
I want to ask another try?! To start fresh, that we will find that missing thing. But I dont want to push either. What should I do?

I feel very sorry for you, because my BF and I have been having some tensions this year, and I cannot bear to think what I'd feel if he decided to leave. But I encourage you to get out of it. This will sound trivial, but the best way to get your mind out of a relationship is to fill it with other stuff. Make new friends. Use the internet: chatrooms and sites like tickle.com or match.com or friendsters.com are great to meet new people, dates or not. I know, this may sound impossible for you. But it worked for me when my fiance broke up. Are you in school? If so, just take new classes, join a club, join a gym, volunteer... plenty. And who knows, maybe in some time your ex and you will find your way back together. Or maybe your life will be so full that you won't miss him any longer!!
Hugs to you.
But I dont think he is sooo sure about his desition either. He wants to see me, to take care of me still, he still cares and loves me, he thinks I´m the best thing that have ever happen to him, he thinks I deserve better... I think he is just giving up, and not trying to work through our problems. It´s like we never discuss them before or try to see how to fix them...
I really need him right now!!! I controlling my will to call him, to talk to him...
Hi! I´ve posted here before...
I have been dating my guy for over 3 years now, in march he broke up because he saw we didnt have any plans together as a couple and that I treat him like a friend not partner. After a couple of month we gave it another try. At first, it was step by step, we were doing great, went on holidays together, had wonderful times. Now things are bad again. I am going through some serious changes in my life that are affecting me enormously, so Im very emotional right now, that what I need help.
My bf is working were I used too, and now he is friends with some guy and this girl from his area. They go on lunch together, he went to her graduation party with the other guys, etc. Today they are having a big party from office (not dates allowed), so i asked him to have lunch with me, he told me he has already made plans, that he will have lunch with me tomorrow... I was vivid!!! He made plans with this new group of friends he made from work which heis going to see today at the party!! And couldnt cancel to al least see me a while??!! Those are his priorities?!
My psichologist says I´m needing too much, feeling so vulnerable that I´m taking on him. Do you think so too?! or should I worried ?!
I´m not saying his is cheating because the weekends are ours, he offer to spend xmas with my family and me and stuff....but can he be emotionally cheating?! Or i´m just to f...jealous??!!!
Please, I need your point of view not matter how hard it is...
I have posted sooo many times here, and it has always helped.
I´m been dating my bf (?) for over 3 years. This year, in march, he broke up with me because he thought we were acting more like friends than a couple, and that we didnt have plans together, but then he never told me the reasons he just broke up. I was devastated not understandig the reason. We kept seing each other, and stuff until one day he told me to get back together starting from the begginig. We took it really slow, but after months it seams just to "slow motion", so we had another talk, were we discuss this.
Since the get back together, i have been more jelauos and with no confidence than ever, maybe it has something to do with the break up. So, if he goes to lunch with his friends form work (male and female) i got jelauos, if he goes out to a party with friends, i´m jelauos again. And i hate that! But that another story...
The thing is, this weekend we wouldn go out with me at all, he called though to see how was I. Today, by mail, we talked, and he said he doesnt know what´s up his head, that he needs to finds out, I asked if it has something to do with us and he says he doesnt know...Well, so here I found myself again, at LIMBo, not understanding him, not knowing what is happening in his head, thinking of many many "options" of why his reaction...Again from nowhere he throws a ball at me, and i´m disbalanced.
I know deep down, I should bother no more and just leave him. But I simply can´t, I dont have the courage or will to do it. I´m going through some major changes in life, some of them makes me sad, and i cant afford to loose another thing. And it infuriates me he cant be man enough to be by myside in this particular time...
And i cant stop thinking why is he like this (besides we are both too young, 22 and 24): if he is seeing another woman, or falling for someone, if he doesnt care anymore, if he´s sick of me...
I wrote las week on this board about my bf of 3 years, told me he was thinking about what he wanted in life, that he didnt know what was going on with him, etc. This was last monday after diching me off the previous weekend.
Well, he kept calling during the week, to check up how was I doing. This sat I called him saying that I understand that at our age he needs time to think about his like and what did he wanted to do about it, but that if thinking this affects our relationship in some way he copuldn handle, he needs to tell me this, so I can move on. That if only he needed some alone time, I will understand and will give it to him. But if he wasnt sure about us, and woudlnt be in a long term, then we should move on. He then told me he was going to call me. He called yesterday to see me and talk, but I was at the movies with a friend, so I told him to meet up this weekend to talk. I asked if he knew already what he wants, and he answered "some...". I´m kindda of expecting a break up, and i dont know how to handle it. On the other hand, maybe I´m mistaking and overreacting. What do u think?!
I just needed to vent, I´m quite down this week, my family is moving to another country to live, I´m left alone with my puppy, and I´m moving to a smaller place...so I needed some confort.
Thanks,
Bel.
You have so much to work on with your family leaving and everything else that you don't mention here. I suggest that you take time to work on that. You say that you are angry at him for not being by your side when you are going through a lot. I think your boyfriend wants out and is afraid to tell you directly and finally because he is afraid for your well being if he does. He sees you as fragile.
You are not doing yourself, him or the relationship any good by basing all of your happiness on him. What else is going on in your life? School, work, volunteer activites,friends, etc? How is therapy? What does your therapist say about your relationship?
Well, he wants out, he told me that this sunday, he said I´m the best thing that had ever happen to him, that he cares and loves me, that I deserve better, that he will always be there for me, that he wants to continue to take care of me and that he feels some guilt about this happening during this hard time. I just nodded because things have been bad lately and I agreed that something was missing in the relationship... But now, I´m feeling this hole, knowing he is not longer there for me, or just there to go out and to laugh with. He and I said we get along great, that that´s no the problem, the problem is this thing missing between us.
Our relationship was great until march 2003 wehn we broke up, then things were never the same. Some of this has to do with us not discussing seriously why we broke up and how to fix this damages, some has to do with me being insecure and jealous and not trusting him as before.
I´m on vacation (but working)... next month I have finals so I´ll put all my energies there. On my new job I´m doing great,luckily.
The thing with my family, of course I miss them tons, though i´m not feeling their absence yet, it´s too recent. But I talk to them everyday and they seem sooo happy, that I´m just glad for them. I just want the best to my sis and mom!!!! I have friends I´m relying on, they are great too. But inside I´m suffering. Because i know he cares, and I know he wants to be with me, but all our problems just cant seems to solvw, so he is giving up.
My therapist, thoughout 2003 told me my relationship was going through some crisis... Las Monday I went and she said that I´m having a hard time letting go as well as he is. That we kindda of knew this was ending, but we were like holding on.
I think that if we were willing to solve our problems, we would have, but we never talked about them, so we couldnt do anything to fx it. Also, I think this fresh start we had on 2003, wasnt so fresh...
I´m also afraid that I never realized what i have until Iloose it.
I´m not (or at least that what i think) basing my happiness on him, I´m pretty happy now with my new apartment, my doggie, my friends, and knowing my family is great. But, of course, he shared so much, he was always there, he is my bfriend, and I miss him and I want him to be there with me.
On monday I sent him a very sweet postcard saying I understand his decition, but that I was hoping and can still count on him (as he told me on sunday)...he hasnt reply yet.:-(
Maybe in a year or so when you have worked through your issues and are over the relationship can you truly be friends.
'I´m not (or at least that what i think) basing my happiness on him,'
Really? How much time did you spend together and how much time do you spend thinking about him now?
And besides, we get along great and all the stuff I wrote in my other email, dont u think maybe there is a chance to get bakc together?!