first of all, dont feel responsible of the relation going down. Its not your fault.Some people are like that and they need the right kind of environment and person to open up to.Even if you are physically relaxed with him, deep down , without realizing you may not be trusting him for some reason.that reason needs to be found out.
if you see him everyday,with some excuse take a day or two off.i am sure he will call you to find the reason.how are you? fine.havent seen you ... yday/today ,so wondering if all is fine .if he starts like this ,try not to hold back and answer what you think is appropriate.
I know not much of help but maybe you are not with right kind of man.No offense,but if he has not been able to open you up emotionally,something is missing in his approach rather than you .and he is making the effort and making you realize it and in turn making you feel guilty.
Their is no relation deeper than emotional attachment.I believe, you are not with the right guy.the moment you are with the right person,trust me,you will open up so easily like a blossming flower and will cherish the relationship.believe me.
I dont agree with your title .who told you that you are not a good person? Its the relation you are in that is making you feel like that.you are what you you are.If you feel so low about yourself in this relation,get out of it.Love should make you feel good about yourself,not make you question your personality.
If i sound rude,i am sorry but i guess you are with the wrong guy.
i am torn between this love that i've nurtured and held onto for 8 years, and yet which has brought me a lot of sadness and pain.......and a wish to be truly happy.
it will take some time to un-learn some old habits, but i'll take it one step at a time. i'm determined to learn from this experience.
right now, i have a glimmer of hope (maybe a hopeless hope?) that if i make some adjustments we may be able to rekindle our love......i really want to make this work......but if not, then
As you wisely say, the real gift we have to give another person is ourselves. If we do not give it, do not express our feelings, needs, vulnerabilities, everything, the other person feels shut out and empty. They are being deprived of who we are. If you wish to turn the corner and open your heart and feelings this is wonderful. It will take guidance, practice and dediction to do so. I suggest you find yourself a wonderful therapist and become able to develop the trust you need to express your feelings and learn how to accept and share all parts of yourself. This will not and cannot happen overnight. You have lived your entire life in one way and you must be patient as you begin to make this change. You can also attend workshops on personal development, meditation classes, read books on self improvement, and generally expand your vistas, opening to new ideas.
" i may be emotionally attached to this man right now, but if it's possible to feel like i can really trust somebody and feel safe with them and open my heart and soul up and share everything...my thoughts, dreams, fears without forcing it... if that's really possible with another person then it's what i want. "
yes, it is possible to do all what you say but with ' somebody'.Sometimes we trust someone naturally because those qualities that they will not harm us reflect in them.Also, there are people whom we cant trust and never feel safe just because maybe those people are not trustworthy and we can smell them ! Its not that something is wrong with us.
If you really want this to work then try to find the reason why you cant feel safe with him?Maybe he has done something which made an impression on you that i have to be on my guard and with the passing time,you still love him but those incidents have left a mark on you.
Never underestimate yourself and never overestimate someone else.
Welcome to the board starfire613,
Oh, have I got a few
first of all, dont feel responsible of the relation going down. Its not your fault.Some people are like that and they need the right kind of environment and person to open up to.Even if you are physically relaxed with him, deep down , without realizing you may not be trusting him for some reason.that reason needs to be found out.
if you see him everyday,with some excuse take a day or two off.i am sure he will call you to find the reason.how are you? fine.havent seen you ... yday/today ,so wondering if all is fine .if he starts like this ,try not to hold back and answer what you think is appropriate.
I know not much of help but maybe you are not with right kind of man.No offense,but if he has not been able to open you up emotionally,something is missing in his approach rather than you .and he is making the effort and making you realize it and in turn making you feel guilty.
Their is no relation deeper than emotional attachment.I believe, you are not with the right guy.the moment you are with the right person,trust me,you will open up so easily like a blossming flower and will cherish the relationship.believe me.
I dont agree with your title .who told you that you are not a good person? Its the relation you are in that is making you feel like that.you are what you you are.If you feel so low about yourself in this relation,get out of it.Love should make you feel good about yourself,not make you question your personality.
If i sound rude,i am sorry but i guess you are with the wrong guy.
thanks to everyone for their advice.....
i am torn between this love that i've nurtured and held onto for 8 years, and yet which has brought me a lot of sadness and pain.......and a wish to be truly happy.
it will take some time to un-learn some old habits, but i'll take it one step at a time. i'm determined to learn from this experience.
right now, i have a glimmer of hope (maybe a hopeless hope?) that if i make some adjustments we may be able to rekindle our love......i really want to make this work......but if not, then
As you wisely say, the real gift we have to give another person is ourselves. If we do not give it, do not express our feelings, needs, vulnerabilities, everything, the other person feels shut out and empty. They are being deprived of who we are. If you wish to turn the corner and open your heart and feelings this is wonderful. It will take guidance, practice and dediction to do so. I suggest you find yourself a wonderful therapist and become able to develop the trust you need to express your feelings and learn how to accept and share all parts of yourself. This will not and cannot happen overnight. You have lived your entire life in one way and you must be patient as you begin to make this change. You can also attend workshops on personal development, meditation classes, read books on self improvement, and generally expand your vistas, opening to new ideas.
All good wishes,
Save Your Relationship: The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships
Change The Way Women Think About Men and Find Out What Men Really Think About Relationships
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
" i may be emotionally attached to this man right now, but if it's possible to feel like i can really trust somebody and feel safe with them and open my heart and soul up and share everything...my thoughts, dreams, fears without forcing it... if that's really possible with another person then it's what i want. "
yes, it is possible to do all what you say but with ' somebody'.Sometimes we trust someone naturally because those qualities that they will not harm us reflect in them.Also, there are people whom we cant trust and never feel safe just because maybe those people are not trustworthy and we can smell them ! Its not that something is wrong with us.
If you really want this to work then try to find the reason why you cant feel safe with him?Maybe he has done something which made an impression on you that i have to be on my guard and with the passing time,you still love him but those incidents have left a mark on you.
Never underestimate yourself and never overestimate someone else.