how to become friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
how to become friends?
2
Mon, 09-03-2007 - 8:28pm

I'm here to get some advice.. My boyfriend and I are trying to be just friends. We can't seem to get through our issues and always go back to the same spot in our relationship, meaning don't go forward. We seem to want different things for our future. He never wants to get married again. Which, I told him I would be ok with that just as long as we are together, but he also wants another child. I told him I don't believe in having kids without marriage. I wasn't brought up that way.

When I ask him where does he see us going in the future, he always says "I don't know", well it's hard to work on something when that's his answer. He told me I was right, so we should work on being friends.. He's not ready for anything serious. Which I respect, but would like him to say that he's looking forward to a future with me someday, but all I get is "I don't know". I don't want to be pushy, needy or a pest. I just have a hard time living in the moment. I like to think about my future. Which I always bring up the subject.

It is very hard to let go of each other. We're both having a hard time. Last night he came over and watched a movie and slept over. Tonight, he came over and had dinner and we were snuggling on the couch.. I am not strong enough to say to him not to come over, because I want him to. We have been going back and forth for a while now and I don't like it. We don't want to let each other go. We both agree we find comfort in each other. I just don't understand why we can't seem to find our way through this relationship and find balance, happiness.

I just don't know how to be friends after 3 years. He's told me before that he wouldn't want time to pass without seeing each other. Not to mention, we work together on the weekends. It's hard, it hurts, I'm dissapointed, I'm lonely, I want him here to hold me.

Thanks for listening..

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 1:52pm
bump
Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 5:50pm

Welcome to the board skittlesrock,


It's hard to be 'just friends' if you have romantic feelings or if you are engaging in 'date-like' behavior (sleepovers, snuggling).