I think personally that couples counseling would be the best thing but weather you all go or not it will still take time. My advice is to let him think on it a while and be honest as you can. Don't bring it up unless he does first and when he does always stay calm and honest (honest but not hurtful, don't use phrases like "you knew when...etc" say "we knew when...etc", it takes the blame off him and will make him feel like your a little more on his side). Let him know that you will be (and have been) there for him no matter what. Stop apoligizing for what happened. It's in the past and you don't want this to control the rest of your lives. With your help (and a professional if you go that route) he'll be able to figure it out and deal with it. Instead of forgetting what happened he needs to be able to accept it. Forgive and forget doesn't always work, it should be forgive and accept. If he hasn't come to terms with the whole situation by the time your wedding comes around and still isn't able to put the past behind him, you might consider postponing it (no, I didn't say cancell-just put it off till your BOTH okay and accepting of the situation). I know that will be sooo hard but it must be done, if not then you'll already be getting off to a bad start.
You said that is came about and then went away with time and communication before. With stress from wedding plans and his car and school etc, well, that's probably one reason why it came about again. Also, maybe it wasn't as "gone" as you had hoped. This could be something he has been supressing for a while but was trying to avoid conflict by not mentioning it. With all of the other stress in his life, this may be one way to vent. Anyway, I hope this helps some and if it does and you feel like you need to talk more you can e-mail me at cutecountry99@hotmail.com. I wish you the best!! Crystal
Hon, this won't be what you want to hear....but he's always going to make this an issue because he's young, inexperienced, immature and hasn't experienced enough of life to feel self-confident in himself as a 'man' and accept people for who they are, experience and all.
He invaded your privacy by reading your journal - and he's questioning you about it, badgering you about your choices, while we can all use someone to talk to, to figure out who we are and what motivates us - you don't need someone that is doing it to judge you, feel better about himself and punish you.
If he loved you (really loved you), felt secure within himself, felt self-confident, self-assured, your past would matter, expect in the way of understanding your character, who you are and how you got to be who you are.
You are defining yourself by your experiences as well....you were writing about the other guy to sort out your emotions, understand yourself better (guessing here) and putting things in perspective - like would you do it again, did you like your decisions, and come to think of it, that's all part growing up and maturing....which you are doing.
Sorry you have to go through this. And sorry I don't have better advice for you.
I agree with itwinflame. This guy has some issues and unless he gets to the bottom of it he isn't going to change. He sounds controlling (the diary is one example) and jealous and this is something he can't control. The past will always be that way. I also wonder if he is wishing he didn't wait and still thinks about being able to see other people before he settles down. I don't think he really trusts you either.
'in hindsight he wishes he had just asked me to get tested rather than dig for details like he did.'
Testing and health have something to do with it but my guess is that this is about a whole lot more than STDs.
You said that is came about and then went away with time and communication before. With stress from wedding plans and his car and school etc, well, that's probably one reason why it came about again. Also, maybe it wasn't as "gone" as you had hoped. This could be something he has been supressing for a while but was trying to avoid conflict by not mentioning it. With all of the other stress in his life, this may be one way to vent. Anyway, I hope this helps some and if it does and you feel like you need to talk more you can e-mail me at cutecountry99@hotmail.com. I wish you the best!! Crystal
He invaded your privacy by reading your journal - and he's questioning you about it, badgering you about your choices, while we can all use someone to talk to, to figure out who we are and what motivates us - you don't need someone that is doing it to judge you, feel better about himself and punish you.
If he loved you (really loved you), felt secure within himself, felt self-confident, self-assured, your past would matter, expect in the way of understanding your character, who you are and how you got to be who you are.
You are defining yourself by your experiences as well....you were writing about the other guy to sort out your emotions, understand yourself better (guessing here) and putting things in perspective - like would you do it again, did you like your decisions, and come to think of it, that's all part growing up and maturing....which you are doing.
Sorry you have to go through this. And sorry I don't have better advice for you.
Carrie
'in hindsight he wishes he had just asked me to get tested rather than dig for details like he did.'
Testing and health have something to do with it but my guess is that this is about a whole lot more than STDs.