How can I deal with this? Help!!!
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How can I deal with this? Help!!!
| Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:21pm |
I have been dating this guy for over six years and all of the sudden, out of nowhere, we broke up due to the fact that best friend died tragically and he already suffers from depression, so that didn't help. He told me that the death really affected him and he needed to be by himself. I didn't think the time apart would last this long. Every time I try to talk to him or hang out with him he's always busy and doesn't want to talk. I really worry that if I sat down and told him how unfair it is that he just left me hanging while he dealt with everything that he'll get even more upset and push me farther away. While I feel like I should give him more space to grieve, I also feel that I shouldn't punish myself waiting for him, even though that's what I really want to do. Should I sit down and have a conversation (or confrontation) with him, or should I wait until he comes around?

So for a couple of months he has been avoiding you, too busy to see you, not wanting to talk to you, and blaming it on his friend's death? Although it is true that people grieve in different ways, it has been quite a bit of time that he's kept you dangling. I think you should think of your own needs at this time. Tell him that you respect his need for space, and will make it possible for him to have as much as he needs for as long as he needs it. Let him know that the break is not meeting your needs, so you're going to regard it as a break up, and start seeing other people. If he would like to try again after his grieving is over, he can call to see if you're available.
Quite truthfully, fifitop, I think he's been hoping you would do this for some time now, so he wouldn't have to. He will probably try to pull on your heartstrings a little bit, and make you feel guilty (don't fall for it!), but I don't think he'll put up much of a struggle.