how can I get him back???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
how can I get him back???
3
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 7:54pm
For the last year and 8 months I have been in an amazing relationship. My boyfriend was supportive, loving, and everything I could ever want. I always thought that if anyone was ever going to break off the relationship it would be me, as I always seemed to have the upperhand (but never used it). Lately he has seemed a little distant at times but he still insisted that he loved me just as much as usual. Then this weekend, he surprised me by breaking it off! At first he told me that he just wanted a break but he has also said that he isnt sure he wants to get back together with me. He hasn't given me a clear answer to any of my questions (although he insists that his answers are clear). All he says is that he just doesnt feel the same way anymore and he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now. Why doesnt he? Because it has gotten "too hard". Unfortunatly he cant tell me how it has gotten too hard. How can you just fall out of love with someone like that? He has been passionately in love with me for so long! Now he tells me that he still loves me but just wants to be friends right now. I dont think that it is possible for us to ever be just friends..especially since he forced me into this break up. I dont even know who he is! This is definetly not the boy I have loved for the last 20 months. I have begged him to try and work it out together with me but i have had no luck. So now I am looking for any advice possible about how to make him want me back. I want to make him fall in love with me again. Believe it or not there is not that much advice for this out there. PLEASE HELP!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 9:50pm

Welcome to the board bleigh.


Before I answer your main question, I'm going to break down your post:


::Lately he has seemed a little distant at times but he still insisted that he loved me just as much as usual. Then this weekend, he surprised me by breaking it off! At first he told me that he just wanted a break but he has also said that he isnt sure he wants to get back together with me. He hasn't given me a clear answer to any of my questions (although he insists that his answers are clear). All he says is that he just doesnt feel the same way anymore and he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now. Why doesnt he? Because it has gotten "too hard". Unfortunatly he cant tell me how it has gotten too hard. How can you just fall out of love with someone like that? He has been passionately in love with me for so long! Now he tells me that he still loves me but just wants to be friends right now.


People fall in love and stay in love not because of how they feel about the person, but rather how they feel about themselves while with the other person.


What you described is pretty normal the way things go when people start to drift.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 10:23pm

'Believe it or not there is not that much advice for this out there'.

Of course it is believable because it is impossible to *make* someone feel anything. I know you feel out of control, shocked and hurt but he has clearly told you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship.

You would be better off trying to mov on and eventually you will.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2006
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 10:49am
Hi there. Unfortunately it is unrealistic to try to make someone fall in love with you. I think he obviously doesn't want to be in a relationship, and why would you want to be in such a situation? As far as you stating that you thought you'd be the one to break up the relationship because you had the upper hand, perhaps that was projected covertly in the relationship and he was the one walking on pins and needles trying to keep it working because he didn't want it to end and it just got to be to hard to keep trying? What did you do to keep the relationship positive and make him feel secure in it?