How can I get my boyfriend back?
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How can I get my boyfriend back?
| Fri, 06-11-2004 - 10:11am |
I’m currently in the midst of trying to rebuild the relationship I had with my boyfriend of two years. Things started taking a nose dive when he relocated to another city due to his job and I continued to have self-doubt, self-criticism, and the uncertainty of my job. He said before he moved that he didn't want to lose what we had; however I became lost in my negative thoughts instead of what was in front of me. I never knew if he was looking at planning a life with each other or not because the subject of marriage never came up and I didn't feel confident to bring it up mainly due to the fact that he was divorced and the previous relationship he was in, his proposal was rejected. I understand that he is cautious, but there comes a time where he needs to decide whether or not he wants to commit. Things became pretty bad this past Dec. We took a trip to Hawaii and lets just say the first week we fought most of the time. We both threatened each other that we were going to pack our bags and head for home, but we stuck it out. He said that we needed to take a break from one another once we got back (even though he called me the next day). Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would break it off. I made a commitment to myself that once we got back things needed to change both with our relationship as well as myself. He as well needed to do some self reflection since he seems to be so self-centered at times, especially the times when I desperately needed his support. I began to read Self Matters and Relationship Rescue, but by the time I got myself turned back around and going into a positive direction he wanted to call it quits. I have been in contact with him recently and have told him my desire to rebuild our relationship the right way by taking the negative energy consisting of bad spirits and redirecting it with positive energy, which brings in more personal relationship values. He said that he doesn't want to give me any "false hopes" and that he's afraid to take the risk because he feels that the relationship will go back to the way it was. He always looked at himself as a guy whose glass is half empty. How can I make him realize that the relationship won't go back to the way it was and make him realize what a great relationship we would have if he just gave it another chance.

You can't make him realize anything. He sounds like someone with many issues of his own and he has to be ready to face them and work them out. Especially in a long distance situation this is much harder to do. It sounds as though both of you got caught in various patterns, which do tend to repeat themselves automatically. Right now the best thing for you to do is to work on yourself. Get understanding and control of your own issues and patterns, become your own best friend. Make sure you see your cup as half full, not half empty. As you grow and change you will be able to handle relationships in a much more positive and healthy way. In this condition it will be easy to attract a suitable, healthy partner for you.
Best wishes.
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
That's all I know to say good luck!