How can I get under her skin?
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How can I get under her skin?
| Thu, 04-24-2008 - 5:05am |
3 months ago, I met a fantastic girl online. We've been pseudo-dating on and off because she still has a guy in her life that she cares for very much. But he keeps things on an open relationship basis with her. He has a law degree but has never become a career attorney. Not long ago, he decided to pursue a television project that confronts political issues. She admires men who are willing to sacrifice a stable life and steady income and go after their dreams. But she gets frustrated with him quite often because of his unwillingness to commit to her and also that he never really has any money to do fun things with her. She has become drawn to me because we share common loves of concerts, fine dining,

No matter how many cases you make against this guy and their relationship, she hangs around him because there are things that a "good guy" cannot offer her, and I am willing to bet that she is ultimately going to choose the bad boy over... Well, the guy who watches Meryl Streep movies.
Three months is more than enough time to be sure that you want to date one person over another. I think you're right that this situation is not going to work out in your favor, and to be honest the only way to ignite her passions may be to ignore or neglect her. But that's not your style.
There are a lot of fantastic girls in the world, and I'm sure you would make the perfect guy for the girl who wants what you have.
lol.. Well.. Clint Eastwood may be IN it but Bridges is Streep territory, baby!
Yeah I really suggest you move on. At the very BEST, this girl is stringing you along while she tries to figure out what she wants.
Welcome to the board cmaimone,
Here's the thing, the way you are, what you offer her meets something in her that she's not getting from the open relationship guys HOWEVER what you bring is NOT enough to get her away from the guy, it's the stroke she needs to KEEP HER WITH HIM.
Since you are weaning yourself, you might find this useful:
Relationship Grieving Process - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22985.1Grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been.... until the grieving is done, you are right not to consider dating other girls.
Some women like bad boys, or guys they can't have or get. They enjoy the challenge of hoping and waiting, or perhaps they may not feel worthy of having what they really want. As I do not know her, I have no idea what she is truly feeling and what's going on. It's always tricky to get involved with someone who is attached to someone else. You are putting yourself in an odd position here. It seems to me the best thing is to have an out loud discussion with her about the entire situation. Let her know that your feelings are deepening and you do not want to be in the middle not knowing what's going on. Sooner or later she has to make a choice between the two of you and a decision. Perhaps if she doesn't have the benefit of your kindness and stability, she'll begin to miss you and truly value who you are.
From your side, it is not entirely healthy to continue to be with a woman who is emotionally loyal to someone else. This kind of contest can become addictive and as is already happening, you can begin to feel badly about yourself. It seems at the moment that neither of you are in a relationship where the other person is willing to give you what you want, need and deserve.
See what she says about things at this point, and then make a healthy decision for yourself, for her and all concerned.
Best wishes,
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