How can I get the words to come out??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
How can I get the words to come out??
8
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 4:01pm
Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 4:16pm

'We have had conversations about what he and I both want out of life and he does want to get married and have more children'


When did you have this conversation? If you already know how he feels then why the need to ask again? If you have a strong desire to talk about dates and what your plans are then you need to find out now versus later.


I am curious why he was homeless. Is he financially ready to have a wife? Does he provide for his child(ren?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 4:37pm

Him and his roomate wanted to renew thier lease at thier old house, but the landlords didn't come through on some promises of a new fence and yard and they raised the rent, so they decided to look for something else. That was July 15th and they had 15 days to find a place and in Denver right now, it is so hard to find a house to rent with a fence. They finally found something, but they can't move in until the 1st, that's why he is at my house.


I had this conversation with him about two months ago, but it was not specifically geared towards me and him, it was just in general. I don't really need any dates per se, but I would just like to know if he sees me in his life 5 years down the road, things like that. I am definatly not pushing for a proposal, just wondering where I stand.


He is the best father in the world. His daughter moved out of the state a year ago and he has drove there and back every month to see her. The mother isn't very willing to let her stay with him for any length of time and is not very good to him. He pays double the child support he was ordered to, and that is such a great thing. He is in his last months in chef school and he has a very good job as a cook in a very upscale resturant in denver...I think that's why he said everything is falling into place with the whole marriage thing. I am not sure though.


I would like to know his plans, but for some reason, I clam up. I work myself up during the day, for example, to talk to him about something. I even write it down, but then when he is sitting down with me, I start to sweat, my voice cracks, and I clam up. I have never been like this before.


Thanks for the comments! Let me know what you think!

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 12:20pm

Hi Sara,


There was a post recently about this subject.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 12:33pm

Hi itwinflame,


Thanks so much for you reply. Yes, on some level I am afraid of this because I have been rejected by him before when we first dated and he broke up with me because he didn't want a relationship. To me, this is such a huge questions because we have been dating for over a year and I think by this point, you have some idea of what you want in this relationship. I am really not sure how to overcome this. He has always told me that I need to talk to him if I have a problem, if I am mad, or if I want to know something. He knows it is very hard for me to talk to him and he wishes that I could. I am still a little insecure because of rejection and because I have never felt these feelings before with anyone. I just have this strong feeling in my gut that he is the one, and I am insecure because i don't know how he feels on his end. He said things are starting to fall into place for him and taking that next step, but our conversations were never specified with him and I. Do you have any opinions on what I should do to try to stop clamming up? It's silly, but I practice all day of what I want to say, I write it down, and I give myself a good pep talk, but when he is sitting with me and looking at me, I clam up. I just don't know what to do.

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:05pm
Do you practice out loud in a mirror?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 2:18pm
I would like to know where I stand, yes. It would be very, very hard, but I would have to walk away because I know what I am looking for in the near future and I know what I want, and I can't keep being that girl that thinks, "oh, he will change his mind after more time". I can't be that way anymore because I deserve to be happy and with someone that is on the same plane as I am. For some reason, I don't think he will say that he doesn't see a future with me, I don't know why, but that's what my gut tells me and what his actions tell me as well. This is just very weird for me because i have been able to talk about my feelings to anyone, including past boyfriends, until now. It is just very perplexing. Thanks again for you comments and time. I really appreciate the insight :)
Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 2:52pm

It may certainly be true that you are still carrying some of the sounds and affects of your past relationship with you...Try to realize that this is a new situation and individual. If he were to reprimand you for speaking your mind, then certainly he would not be a person you would want to be with anyway. I'm sorry you allowed that to go on in the past.


A year and a half is a long time to be together and you certainly have a right to know where he stands, especially if your feelings are deepending. So, it's fine to ask him. You may be afraid to ask, because you fear that he

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:25pm

How about a casual "so where do you see yourself in 5 years?"


Maybe "where do you see us in a couple of years?"